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zero-insignificance · 4 months ago

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DND Recap: The Journey to Philidelphia

Cast includes: Rose the DM, Bob (yours truly), Patrick, Truk, Zara (new player) + guest starring Alfie!

So canonically Bob has his own cryptocurrency, Bobcoin. Bobcoin will make the feywilds great again or some shit like that.

Alfie is in the kitchen stress cooking and Bob has enchanted some of the foods.

Then we are introduced to Zara. Tabaxi wizard. Serious anxiety problems.

Alfie says hi to Zara cuz they know each other (85 years in Russia for Alfie and Zara is secretly immortal) Zara has a pastry that as enchanted by Bob.

The next thing Zara touches is turned into gold pieces. They turn a spoon into one gold piece

Patrick eats an enchanted food. He gets "You can't stops stubbing your toe." He loopholes this by pulling out a rubber toe and stubbing it over and over.

A guard takes a bit of enchanted food. Here's the thing they got. "Your bones are pasta noodles. You are weak to bludgeoning and force damage for the next hour. The Italians are in pursuit."

Patrick breaks all of the bones. Zara has a straight up PANIC ATTACK.

Alfie sends Clementine the Fungus Furred Flounder Ferret to start grounding Zara. Clem does a very good job.

Zara asks to keep Clem. Alfie refuses but says that Zara can probably go to Sha'am to get their own pet.

Zara and Patrick fight over dragons. Patrick has dragon-based trauma, Zara was raised by dragons. Patrick won't shut up and Alfie just materializes a spectral hand over Patrick's mouth. Alfie is so stressed he might implode. Patrick has some more enchanted food.

"You feel incredibly lucky. For the duration of the session you and all allies within 20 feet of you have advantage on all rolls."

Bragar has a bit of enchanted food. He gains one use of find familiar. His familiar is magikarp. Magikarp can be evolved with one

And a rose appears in the corner of the kitchen. Rose: You should go on your honeymoon Alfie: You're right. Uh Zara can you like take my place? Zara: Uh I um okay? Alfie: Thanks! Bob make sure they don't fuckin KILL each other. Bob: *salutes* On it! Patrick: *trying to crowbar off the hand* Alfie: *Materializes suitcase and hat* I'm going on my honeymoon! See ya in a week! Bob: Bye future husband!

The hand covering Patrick's mouth vanishes.

Zara and Patrick bicker some more. Bob: Is this what it's like for Alfie? Alfie: *pops back up* Yes. Bob: I'm gonna need caffeine and ibuprofen. *painkiller cappuccino combo* Zara: Can I have some? Bob: I'm fae. I can make a cappuccino you can drink... without cursing you... Um drink preference? Zara: Caramel latte. Bob materializes a caramel latte in her hand.

Bob and Zara can vibe. Zara and Patrick hate each other

At Sha'am Zara gets a Copycat they name Beelzebub.

Sha'Carri looks heartbroken and like they've been crying.

Bob: Sha'Carri? Are you okay? Sha'Carri: No... Bob: Do you want to talk about it? Sha'Carri: No... Bob: Well at least you've got me and our undying friendship? Sha'Carri: *starts ugly crying* Bob: OH GOD THAT MADE IT WORSE- Truk: Move. *hugs Sha'Carri* It's okay. Bob. Go. Sha'Carri: *crying* Why must he hurt me so? Truk: *Russian* Because he's stoopid. He doesn't know. Sha'Carri: I want him to know! Truk: Sometimes you have to let go. Bob: Bragar, is my friendship with Sha'Carri ruined? Bragar: Possibly. Probably not. Bob: *dense is autism* Oh okay.

So, everyone else goes into the Nap Sack so Bob can get the party to the Kingdom of Philidelphia.

Everyone in the Nap Sack is vibing when down the hall is a green table with a familiar figure shuffling cards.

A chill goes down Bob's spine "WHAT DAY IS IT-" he asks a random Russian citizen. "It's Wednesday?" "Fuck."

Hatsune Miku challenges the entire party to poker and Alfie is allowed to play in Bob's place. Bob is visibly relieved.

We play poker over discord. We all kinda suck. Truk wins.

Zara: *gets an 11 on the wisdom save* Hank: You are disgusting.

All money turns into paper money in Philadelphia. Platinum pieces are 100s Gold pieces are 20s Electrum pieces are 10s Silver pieces are 5s And copper pieces are 1s

Bob says we're here and everybody hops out and Alfonse spies a Philly cheesesteak cart.

He buys one and I am told to roll a con save. I succeed and I'm told that if I got anything below 16, I would be addicted to Philly cheesesteaks and would have to eat one every three turns.

Alfie goes back to his honeymoon in Equestria where he is a member of the Pegasus Army. He knew Flash Magnus and the rest of the Pillars of Equestria. His honeymoon only properly starts about 200 years after Equestria is founded.

We head to the Stone Mason's Guild

There is Rotgrim Thunder and Grimrot Thunder. Truk asks if they would be willing to give up their demigod powers and they refuse.

Rotgrim disses the Late Brick and that was the wrong decision

Bragar is being followed by magikarp *magikarp sounds*

Rotgrim does a double attack.

Truk does a double attack on Rotgrim.

Rotgrim is sent through the wall. Rotgrim is in the street.

Grimrot: What’s the old saying? I don’t care how big the room is. I cast fireball.

Bob cast witch bolt

He rubs his index fingers together and does finger guns to cast it, 30. Because Grimrot is wearing platemail Bob's witch bolt does and additional 2d12 of lightning damage.

Grimrot got canceled on fanfic.net

Truk yeets Rotgrim.

Grimrot: Aaaand IIIIII THROUGH WILD DESIRE~ I FELL IN.... TO THE RING OF FIRE~ Bob teleports Patrick out as a reaction. Zara goes to the astral plane. Bragar sucker punches the guy twice.

Bob: Alfie? Rose: The line to contact Alfie has been temporarily disconnected. Bob: They’re definitely fucking. Alfie is currently in battle in the Pegasus Army getting traumatized.

Oh no oh no OH YEAH *insert koolaid man* Koolaid man is Dionysus’s kid

Grimrot kermits sewerslide Patrick goes “The bell doesn’t dismiss you. I do.” and heals Grimrot to one hp to kill him.

Bob takes Grimrots axe. The Axe of the Dwarvish Lords. Bob removes the curse successfully. He will not be cursed.

Markiplier records in the nap sack Jacksepticeye records in the nap sack Mat Pat is retired in the nap sack

The session had to be split into two so

DND RECAP: The True Fight

“Rotgrim, brother no-”

Phase two Bob's new great axe flies out of his hand and Rotgrim is now a LARGE creature standing at 9 feet tall.

Rotgrim: Are you ready to die brother? Truk: No. Are you? Bob: Alfie brought Chicken Tikka Masala! Patrick: Where did you get that from? Bob: Alfie brought it.

Grimrot canonically does not wear shoes and paints on socks He has tattooed on crocs.

Bob has an everstone

Rose: It’s the warlock twinks turn

Bragar is knocked prone in front of Rotgrim Bob is being held like a football in front of Patrick

Rotgrim: You think that’ll stop me? Patrick: CUZ YOU’RE A LITTLE BITCH- *shmack* Patrick: ow. I cast silvery barbs as a reaction.

Healing is canonically a free action.

Zara: go fuck yourself go fuck yourself go fuck yourself

Bob's next turn he does witch bolt and I got a NATURAL fucking 20 This means I got to roll 12d12

Natural 20 Witch Bolt, 67+7+12=86 FUCKING DAMAGE CUZ CRITICAL HIT AND ROTGRIM WAS WEARING PLATEMAIL

Bragar almost fuckin died cuz he was prone in front of Rotgrim and Zara cast a frost spell that hit BOTH Bragar and Rotgrim.

Bragar has 30 hp and ZERO self-preservation skills.

Patrick does one last hard hit and Rotgrim is left on 1 hp so Truk can land the killing blow. "Thozall won't be pleased with this."

And Truk beheads them and watches Rotgrim Thunder crumble to dust.

weewooweewooweewooweewooweewoo-

IT'S THE POPO!

Sheep minotaur cop: WE GOT LARPERS AT THE SCENE OF A GRUESOME MURDER- Bob: *scoffs* I'm not a LARPER. I'm a FEMBOY.

So Truk talks to everyone, says it was self defense. Bob says it was self-defense. We all roll persuasion. I got a 6. Thankfully everyone else pulled through. The police believe us but IT TURNS OUT ZARA IS A FUCKING WARCRIMINAL. So, she's got a warrant out for her arrest.

Patrick grabs Bob, Truk grabs Patrick, Bragar grabs Truk and Zara and Bragar BOOKS IT. We are all stacked on top of each other.

We are on the run from the cops and take up disguises for the rest of our time in Philly.

Bragar is now a great bearded vulture aarakocra Truk is a halfling Bob is a fairy Patrick is an aasimar Zara is a tiefling

I look up things we can do in Philadelphia. One of them is the Liberty Bell, and the other is Eastern State Penitentiary.

Zara gets a gf Bob sees the liberty bell and also gets rolled ice cream and bubble tea We all meet at Texas Roadhouse~

We all look at the actual Texas Roadhouse menu.

Bragar and Truk eat a bunch of raw meats. Bob gets a combo appetizer to share with Zara Mac n Cheese and strawberry cheesecake. Zara and Truk get a slice of Apple Pie. Patrick really wanted a whole ass blooming onion for himself. Bob also gets a spiked strawberry lemonade.

At the Liberty Bell Bob overheard some people talking about how the spirits of Eastern State Penitentiary have been restless.

Mark comes out of the Nap Sack and says that he's leaving the party and is going to spend his days with friends and family. Alfie appears next to him so they can finally get Philly Cheesesteak together.

Truk says good bye to Mark and they're off.

Up next is the Ghost Busters/Luigi’s Mansion episode.

End of session Shenanigans:

Hank and Thozall are exes.

Thozall turned Hank into an orb cuz he was a know-it-all ASS.

Me: Do you think Brian and Hank would have been a power couple? Both of them transfigured by their exes for being shitty boyfriends. Like we were supposed to drop Hank off at Brian's place and never did. We may or may not have ruined their first date Rose: That's going to be an episode, (the first date) Hank just wears a bowtie and a tiny Fedora Me: Of course Hank wore a fedora. That was the first red flag

Hank: haters (Patrick Zara and Thozall) I can't stand to see a bad bitch winning (being a snide snobby piece of shit)

#dnd #dungeons and dumbasses #dungeons and dragons

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mulletcal · 5 years ago

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if walls could talk -- ceo!calum chapter 1

description: calum is the son of a very powerful ceo / owner of a PR firm - they had an agreement that calum could live his life as a young adult until his father retired. calum didn’t expect his father to retire so soon, nor did he expect to meet a woman who would spill out all of her deepest, darkest secrets all because of some turbulence.

warnings: light mention of sexual situations, other than that nothing much.

word count: 3.4k

a/n: this is something i’ve wanted to post for so long. i attempted a majority of a rewrite at one point, but here we are! please let me know what you guys think? also huge thank you to @softbabiestan and @calum-uncrowned for reading / suggesting edits along the way

------

“This just doesn’t feel like the right time to do this.”

Those words had been said to Charlotte more times than she could count, in both her personal and professional life. This time, it was the former, but that didn’t make the blow to her confidence any smaller.

Charlotte had been sent to New York in hopes that maybe she could convince this firm to sell to them. The PR firm that she worked for was the top in the country, but they didn’t get there based solely on the fact that they were an amazing company. Anytime another PR firm seemed like they were about to overtake them for the top spot, Everyday Joy Communications would make them an offer they’d be stupid to turn down.

“Please, Mr. James, if you’d just look at the graph that we’ve done up for you--” Charlotte started, but she was cut off by the man standing up abruptly.

“Your company has been trying for over a year now to buy us out, and each time we’ve said no. It’s very clear to us that your company’s morals don’t align with ours, I’m sorry you wasted your time in coming here today.” Straightening out his jacket, Mr. James moved around the table to shake Charlotte’s hand once more, clearly eager for her to leave.

She had gathered her things in silence, but as she turned to leave she heard Mr. James clear his throat. “Miss--” he began, inhaling deeply before continuing, “You may want to tie your jacket around yourself. It appears your skirt ripped.”

Nodding her head, she left the room without so much as a ‘thank you’, the embarrassment crashing over her in a wave.

As if this day couldn’t get any worse.

***

The CEO of Everyday Joy Communications has announced his retirement.

One would think that in the occurrence of a life-changing event, you’d at least get a call beforehand. But that wasn’t the case for Calum, the article reading as a slap in the face to him. Calum was supposed to be allowed some warning, something that would allow him to get his life in order before he was set to take over, but no. Here he was, receiving numerous texts, calls, tweets, and e-mails from those he knew asking what the next steps were, and if Calum was finally going to step forward and ‘actually contribute’.

When his father’s company first started gaining success, Calum had chosen to live in New York, rather than stay in Los Angeles. He enjoyed the bustle of a busy city, but LA was full of people who wanted what was in your pockets instead of what was in your head. Opinions didn’t matter unless they were linked to some financial gain, and it never sat right with him.

He was pulled from his thoughts by his phone ringing, his father’s contact info flashing across the screen. “What do you want, Dad?” The words were dripping with false affection, his father’s sigh evident on the other line.

“I wanted to tell you, Calum, I--”

“You seemed to be able to figure out how to pick up the phone now, how come you couldn’t before?”

The silence on the other end was deafening before his father offered another sigh, “You still have a week to catch up on things before you fully take over. And you know that I’m just a phone call away.”

“Yeah, and what time would be best to call you? In between tee-times, or before you go in for your deep tissue massage.” Calum had come to the conclusion to hang up before his father had a chance to answer. Buying a plane ticket and facing this head on would be better than working himself up in his loft.

As if sensing his distress, his dog Duke came padding into the kitchen, looking at him quizzically. It wasn’t often Calum had an angry tone to his voice, and it confused the small dog. Scooping him up into his arms, he sighed as he pressed a kiss to the side of the dog’s head. “How do you feel about moving to LA buddy?”

---

“Hello?”

“Ash, guess whose ugly mug you’re gonna see a lot more?” The overly excited tone in Calum’s voice was very much not him, and it gave away everything Ashton needed to know in that moment.

“Mm… Gonna take a shot in the dark here and say you?” Ashton spoke with a soft chuckle. Calum could hear the click of his phone, and he was assuming he was either turning his volume up or down - if he had to guess it would be down, because he knew that Calum was frustrated.

“M’sorry there’s no prizes involved, but you’re absolutely right! I don’t know if you’ve read, but my father is headed into an early retirement, which means-”

Before he could continue, Ashton finished his sentence for him, “- You gotta break out the big boy pants, I know. Is he expecting you to take over right away?”

Calum let out a sharp exhale from his nose, fingers dragging softly through Duke’s fur as he sat cross-legged on his couch, “I have a week to settle in before I take over fully. I don’t understand how he thinks a week is enough time to shadow him in the office before I just… Take over.”

“You did work there in the summers when we were in high school though, didn’t you?”

“Yes, but I don’t feel as though it’s quite the same. Plus, that was eight years ago now. The things have changed at the office - expanded departments, new protocols.” Calum sighed, leaning his head to rest against his couch. “It’s just a lot.”

“I know, but hopefully your staff will cut you some slack, plus you have the best coffee in the world less than a block away.” Ashton was right, that was a very small benefit - he was sure whenever was something was overwhelming he could sneak away to his friends cafe for a coffee.

The rest of the conversation was uneventful, Ashton trying to take his mind off of his impending flight later that evening. The conversation went on for longer than Calum had expected though, because his alarm went off to remind him to drop Duke off at the Doggy Daycare he would be staying at as he moved his life away.

“Shit dude, I gotta head out to go take Duke to his lil’ doggy hotel,” Calum joked, ignoring the tugging at his heart strings at the fact that he would have to leave his baby behind for now.

“Okay mate, I’ll see you soon, yeah? Bring Duke by as soon as he gets in from his week away from his dad.” Ashton teased, them finishing saying their goodbyes before hanging up the phone.

***

‘Now boarding flight 32C to Los Angeles, California…’

“Finally,” Charlotte murmured to herself, gathering her carry on and making her way towards her gate.

There had been a three hour delay, and at that point Charlotte was ready to be home, curled up in bed watching shitty rom-coms.

As she stepped onto the flight, the stewardess looked her up and down with a sympathetic smile. “Long day?” She asked, placing her hand on Charlottes’ forearm. Any other time, the gesture would annoy Charlotte, but she wasn’t one to take out her bad day on others.

“That obvious, huh?” Charlotte deadpanned, shoulders sagging ever so slightly.

“How about an upgrade to first class? No one checked in for that seat, and it’ll be our secret.”

If angels existed, this woman - Angie - would be one of them. With a small smile, and a squeeze of the hand on her forearm, Charlotte headed to the seat she had motioned to.

When she got to the seat, she saw a man on the outside of the aisle with his hat pulled low over his eyes. His strong jaw seemed tense, only relaxing as soon as Charlotte let out a soft ‘excuse me’.

Then, strong jaw man was talking, and Charlotte thought it had been to her. “Do you wanna get drinks, then?” The man had asked.

“Oh, yeah I’ll--”

That was the first time she saw the man’s eyes, deep brown and looking up at her in confusion before motioning to his Bluetooth ear piece.

What idiot still used those?

Charlotte’s head ducked in embarrassment until he eventually hung up. “I’m sorry about that, I thought you were talking to me…” Her words were meek, almost inaudible as she angled her body towards him.

“S’fine, you didn’t see the device.” The more he had spoken, the more Charlotte wanted to hear. His voice was enticing, the type you knew could command a room if the occasion called for it. She kept thinking of ways to potentially get the man to speak to her again, but she was at a total loss for words.

All was well when the plane actually took off, and Charlotte was content to enjoy the rest of the flight in moderate silence until a violent shake of the plane jolted her eyes open.

“Oh my God, what was that?” She asked, turning to look at the man beside her whose brows were furrowed in confusion.

‘Ladies and Gentlemen, this is your captain. We’re experiencing some slight turbulence. If you could please remain seated with your seatbelts on until the light turns off. Thank you.’

“See, it’s just some turbulence --” he started to say, his calm voice being cut off by her exhaling sharply next to him. “Do you really think he’d tell us if we were about to die, dude?” Charlotte snapped, trying to focus on anything but the fact that they were about to die.

“I think… I think he’s legally obligated to, no?” The man’s thick brows furrowed further, the tiniest quirk of a smile playing at his full lips.

Charlotte narrowed her eyes at the man, this logical, beautiful man. Another particularly violent rock of the plane had her gripping on to the mans’ arm.

“I can’t die. I’m too young -- I haven’t accomplished anything with my life,” Charlotte breathed, squeezing her eyes shut. “I mean, I haven’t had kids, I’ve never even been in love. My boyfriend is a joke to human kind. I don’t even know if I have a G-spot…” She definitely regretted the words as they slipped out, her hand tensing even more.

“Excuse me?” There was an almost comical tone to the man’s voice as he cracked a small smile. As if he couldn’t get more perfect, his teeth had to be straight and white too?

“That’s not important--”

“It seems like something you feel is extremely important to you.” Who was this smug stranger beside her? And why did he find such joy in her discomfort? “My boyfriend -- He… Doesn’t know how to use his mouth. The way he uses his tongue, I told him I liked it. I told him that I’ve never experienced anything like it. Which is true, but it’s a dreadful experience…”

The conversation continued like that, and somehow Charlotte found comfort in telling this complete stranger her secrets. Especially about the meeting she completely messed up earlier in the day, how her skirt had ripped, and how much she hated her co-worker. It wasn’t until she overhead the stewardess speak did she realize that not only was the turbulence finished, but so was the flight itself.

“Why didn’t you tell me we had landed?” Charlotte asked, almost breathless from her constant monologue.

“It seemed like you had a few things you wanted to get off your chest. And let me tell you, I don’t think I know any of my friends as well as I know you, especially not even knowing your name, doll.”

Charlotte was about to tell him, but the man, this stupidly handsome mysterious man was up and out of his seat before she could even open her mouth.

“Darling, we’ll keep this between us. I don’t need to know your name. Thanks for sharing all your dirty little secrets,” He had said with a wink before leaving the plane completely.

What the fuck did she just do? ---

Monday morning wasn’t any easier for her, memories of the plane ride haunting her thoughts the entirety of Sunday. Charlotte wasn’t sure she’d be able to maintain her focus when meeting the new CEO if she could barely be attentive enough to brush her damn hair.

It was amusing to overhear the rumours that made their way around about the new CEO, and if Charlotte was having a better morning she likely would have joined in the fun. Sipping her coffee quietly, she glanced over at her friend as she began to speak.

“I heard once that he has a rolodex of prostitutes that he keeps for when he feels in the mood, doesn’t do relationships.” Charlotte rolled her eyes at Rachel’s words as they watched out of the large windows for the man’s arrival. “Holy shit he’s even hotter than people said he was…”

It wasn’t long before the rest of them ran to their desks, appearing as though they were doing work as the new CEO headed up the elevator. When the elevator doors opened, they seemed to take the air from Charlotte’s lungs with them.

It was him. She saw his profile first, and she could have recognized that jawline from a mile away, or the seemingly ever present pout on his full lips. It was the handsome stranger from the plane, the one who now definitely knew about all the shenanigans that went on around the office when they all thought the person above them wasn’t paying attention. The stranger she spilled all her deepest, darkest secrets to. Their Director of Operations, Beth, came out of her office, a bright smile on her lips as she embraced the man.

“Calum, the last time I saw you, you were just graduating high school --” she recalled fondly, the smile on the man -- Calum’s face was radiant as she pinched his cheeks. “Alright everyone, listen up. This is our new CEO, Calum Hood. As you know, he is David’s son, and he’ll be working from our offices to ensure everything is running smoothly. You haven’t let me down before, don’t start now.” The words were said with a sweet smile, but everyone knew you didn’t mess with Beth.

“Thank you, Beth --”

A whisper from behind her did not fall on deaf ears, “His fucking accent though…”

“Keep it in your pants, Rachel,” Charlotte whispered back, her attention going back to the warm brown eyes that had now landed on her.

“-- I may be my father’s son, but I most definitely am not him. This company, at the very least, should have some fun. So if any of you have a suggestion or two on how we can improve, I’ll be in my office all day getting myself sorted.” Calum’s eyes scanned the room, freezing when they landed on Charlotte. Giving her a simple nod, the man’s warm smile was replaced with a tense one before he turned to walk into his office.

***

After seeing her, there was no way for Calum to focus. He’d hate to admit it, but ever since that plane ride he hadn’t been able to stop thinking about that girl. The confessions she made to him left him wondering so many things -- at least if she stopped in he could thank her for exposing so many secrets of the office.

Throughout the day, various people stopped in his office to introduce themselves; each woman coming across more desperate than the last. He supposed he shouldn’t think that when these women were working for him. He’d be stupid, though, to pretend like he didn’t notice each lingering glance they’d give, or each lean forward to try and show off their clevage.

A soft knock on his door towards the end of the day was the one who held his attention the most -- because it was her. He still didn’t know her name, but seeing her today, he felt a strange pang in his chest that made him want to know it. Calum knew he should have let her tell him on the plane, then maybe in another world if they hadn’t serendipitously worked together he’d be able to find her.

“Mr.Hood?” Her voice was softer than he remembered, but maybe Calum was just thinking of it in the form of terror she had expressed to him the other night.

“Call me Calum, please. And your name?” Calum asked with a quirked eyebrow, a small smile forming on his lips.

“Charlotte,” she stated with a small smile as well, stepping into his office further. Her outfit was more indicative of her personality than her travel clothes had been -- her blonde hair pulled into space buns with wisps of hair falling into her face, the front of her pastel pink button up tucked into a pair of bright blue floral pants. Pastel pink and blue were not exactly a colour combination Calum would have gone with personally, but it suited her.

Calum realized then that he was checking her out, and by no means in a subtle way. “Uh, sit, please,” he gestured to the chair across his desk, wanting to make her more comfortable.

“I wasn’t sure I even really needed to come in here today, given the circumstances of the other night. But Rachel told me it’d be weird if I didn’t come to introduce myself to our new boss…” Charlotte had begun to ramble, and Calum couldn’t bite back the smile that pulled at his lips, the genuine kind that always made his eyes crinkle at the corners. Something about the smile made Charlotte’s breath catch in her throat, her body almost visibly stilling.

“It probably would have been weird to your co-workers, but if you’re uncomfortable here working directly with me, I can arrange it so you’re transferred to a different office,” Calum’s response was more an HR response than anything, wanting to make her more comfortable. But also maybe, just maybe, Calum was itching to reach up and brush the blonde hairs from her face. Transfer so that she wasn’t directly under him in the business sense, but could be directly beneath him in other ways.

He was pulled from his thoughts by the woman speaking up once more.

“No, no. It’s not that--” Charlotte started, pulling her lip between her teeth. “I just don’t want it to be weird for you. I did after all tell you a lot about myself.”

“Speaking of a lot -- How’s your boyfriend?” The question was out before Calum could stop himself, the topic itself completely catching Charlotte off guard as she stilled for the second time in a span of 5 minutes.

“He’s uh, good. He works here also, in the IT department. I don’t know if I told you that part.” A blush spread across the woman’s cheeks, and Calum found the whole interaction endearing.

“You didn’t happen to mention that, no.”

“Yeah, you’ll probably meet him as you work your way through meeting the rest of your staff--” Her sentence was topped off with a shaky laugh, brushing a stray strand of hair back behind her ear.

Calum wondered very briefly if she was nervous around him because of the things he knew about her, or because she happened to be as attracted to him as he was to her. It was inflating his own ego, of course, to think the latter. Who said having high hopes were a bad thing though? “Anyways,” Charlotte said, standing up abruptly, “I should go. Getting towards the end of the day, and I promised my roommate we could binge season 2 of Sex Education.”

The irony of that statement was not lost on Calum, what with her exposing rather intimate details about her sex life to him only a couple days prior… And now she was going to go and watch a show called Sex Education?

“Hold on,” The words sounded choked as they came from Calum’s mouth, likely conveying how desperate he felt to keep the conversation going. “What’s uh -- What’s his name? Your boyfriend, that is. I’d like to be aware of the relationships going on in the office.”

Charlotte grinned then, a mischievous glint in her eyes that had Calum sweating, “While we don’t have time to unpack all the relationship drama going on here, my boyfriend’s name is Gavin… Goodnight Calum, I’ll see you in the morning.”

With that, she was gone, as if their whole interaction had been a dream. and Calum was so fucked.

tag list: @cals-wildflower @talkfastromance4 @softbabiestan @roseycal @calum-uncrowned @boyfriend-cal @wildflowerirwin @irwindoll @gosh-im-short @atlcalm @thesubtweeter @heavenisapeach @ridingcthood @loveroflrh @wokeupinjapanisabop @talkfastdrummer

#calum hood #calum hood fanfic #5 seconds of summer fanfic #5sos fanfiction #5 seconds of summer fan fiction

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mirkwoodshewolf · 4 years ago

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Wizard of Oz Queen x pre-teen Chap. 2; Landing in Oz

*Author’s note*

Alrighty here’s where things get interesting now just a few things. Now for the person I’ve chosen to be Glinda, the witch of the North I had a combined costume idea, so based on the gifs below imagine Fred’s outfit from the Christmas 1975 Hammersmith concert, and the very LAST costume David Bowie wears in the film Labyrinth. Also a face cast you can imagine for the 4 Fae Queens, just think of Lucy Boynton’s!Mary Austin.

Warnings: Tornadoes, death of a character (not a main one).

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things

@waddles03

@psychosupernatural

@ixchel-9275

@simonedk

@platawnic

@jd-johndeacon-or-jackdaniels

@queensdivas

@queendeakyy

@geek-and-proud

@kairosfreddie

_______________________________________________________________

*3rd Person POV*

About a half mile away from the house, a giant F2 tornado had hit right near Rockfield studios. Henry Gale was frantically racing towards the barn to get some of the cows and horses lose from the stable so that they wouldn’t be trapped and end up getting killed.

Covering herself with her shawl, Aunt Em raced out the backdoor near the storm shelter and she cried out for (Y/n) as loud as she could over the harsh winds.

Just around the trail leading to the house, (Y/n) and Toto arrived back home to see the tornado coming right up towards the house. She and Toto as best as they could ran around the fence dodging bushes and trees that were now flying right towards them.

“Henry! Henry I can’t find (Y/n) she must be out there in the storm!”

“We don’t have time to look for her now we’ve got to get underground!” Henry urged his wife as he dragged her over to the storm cellar. All the while Em was screaming out for (Y/n) till she was gently shoved into the storm cellar. Henry followed close behind her and struggled to close the doors till finally he got it and bolted it from the inside.

*1st POV*

The loud winds, the trees flying right at us, and the sheer force of the winds themselves almost wanting to take us with whatever it could grab. I set my suitcase down and quickly grabbed Toto before racing toward the house.

When we finally got there, I grabbed the screen door but as I opened it, it flew right off its hinges and into the air. Without a second thought I opened the main door and started searching all the main leveled rooms for my aunt.

“Auntie Em! Auntie Em!” the storm cellar! I ran towards the backdoor and opened it and was petrified cause the tornado was now just a foot away from the house. I ran over to the cellar door and tried to open it only to find it was locked.

I kicked it trying to be louder than the rapid winds and crying out as loud as I could.

“Auntie Em! Uncle Henry!” the tornado was getting closer so with no other choice I went back inside and closed my bedroom door. My heart was racing and I was completely terrified. I held Toto closer to my chest praying that the twister was going to pass.

Suddenly my windows exploded from the hinges and went flying around my room. I shrieked and tried to duck away from my window, I crawled towards my bed but as I tried to pull myself up onto it, the window suddenly flew right at me and hit me in the back of my head.

Soon I was knocked out as I fell against my bed.

When I woke up, I heard the sound of chickens clucking before the cries of a rooster. I looked out towards the open window and saw a whole chicken coop was outside before blowing away. I was also surprised to see a cow suddenly fly right by mooing as it did.

Toto came right up towards my window barking at the cow before hopping right off and going to hide underneath the bed. Shortly after the cow went away, two men in a canoe soon appeared. When they saw me, they took off their fishing hats and greeted me before rowing away. I then looked down my window to see just where exactly we were.

And I got the shock of my life when I saw nothing but spiraling winds.

“We must be up inside the tornado!” I exclaimed to Toto who peeked his head up right at me. Soon another surprise came at me when I saw Paul Prenter just a few feet away from my window. He sat on top of a car (god I hope Freddie and the boys aren’t in there). I exclaimed his name in shock but it wasn’t until a few seconds later that I thought I was going mad.

As quick as a snap. Paul’s appearance soon began to change. Now he wore an all-black witch’s robe, the car turned into a broomstick, he wore the typical sharp pointy black witch hat, and his skin turned a sickly green color.

Terrified I buried myself into my bed as the echoes of a wicked laugh came out of him.

The house continued to spin faster and faster, so much so that now my bed was moving from side to side of the house. I kept screaming and shrieking as I held Toto close to my side so that he wouldn’t get hurt. It felt like forever that we kept spinning on the bed and swaying back and forth.

Then as quick as it happened, it suddenly stopped and everything went silent. There was no more wind howling, no more movement, no cackling, nothing. Just pure silence.

After waiting about a minute or two to see if we really had landed, I stood up picking Toto off the bed and grabbed my basket that I kept some essential things in and walked out of my room.

The house was disarray with things falling over, pictures broken, books scattered everywhere, and furniture turned on its side. Toto and I walked through the damage right towards the front door.

When I opened up the front door, I was greeted with the most beautiful sight.

All around was nothing but bright colored flowers, a small bridge with a crystal clear river flowing underneath it, and up ahead a tiny little village of sorts. I slowly got out of the house with Toto at my side and the two of us walked out and explored this abandoned place.

It was beautiful. Flowers that looked like the ones back home and some flowers I had never seen before, like this one flower looked like a rose however it was sky blue color, and when you went to smell it, it didn’t smell like a rose at all. It smelled more like a daffodil.

We walked over the small bridge closer to the village homes and I could see just behind the village were rolling hills just like back home. And the floor was even unique, it spiraled around into two colors, one was a red brick trail while the other was yellow.

“Toto,” I started, “I have a feeling we’re not in Wales anymore.” I told him. I continued to look around this beautiful place and was just in awe at it’s beauty. It was like something out of a fairy tale. “It’s so pretty here.”

I then heard a shimmer of a bell behind me and when I turned around floating right towards Toto and I was a crystal ball of sorts. The sun reflected off the beautiful rainbow within it and to my surprise, the ball began to grow bigger and bigger the closer it got to us.

I backed away slowly as the crystal soon landed on the ground and soon appearing before us was a man.

He was—very handsome. Dark, tan skin with black hair that almost made him look regal looking (kinda like a lion’s mane). His eyes were emphasized with the Egyptian cat’s tail, and glitter specked across his cheeks giving him a more ethereal appearance.

He wore a mixture of white and silver clothes. His pants and tight shirt were all white but he was draped in a silver fur coat. Well the fur stopped midway while the rest of it was like expensive silk or even satin material.

He also wore rings across almost each finger and his nails were painted the purest black. And in his hand he held a dazzling wand glittered with diamonds.

What was also unique yet slightly familiar about this—being was the overbite he had. I couldn’t place it but I swear I knew someone else with an overbite just like him but—I could remember his name.

“Now I—I know we’re not in Wales.” I muttered down to Toto. He walked up to his, hit white boots clicking underneath the stone-brick road. His eyes stared at me intensely as he said.

“Are you a good witch? Or a bad witch?” I looked around confused before pointing to me.

“Who me?” he nodded. “I’m—I’m not a witch at all. I’m (Y/n) Gale. From Monmouth.”

“Oh well is that the witch?” he said pointing down to Toto who looked up at the man with a tilt of his head.

“Who Toto? Toto’s my dog.” He chuckled softly before saying.

“Forgive me my dear, but I’m a little muttered. The seasonal faes had called me to say that a new witch has just dropped a house on the Wicked witch of the East. And there’s the house, and here you are, and there is all that’s left of the Wicked witch of the East.”

I looked over toward my house and low and behold, right where my bedroom was, I saw feet sticking out from underneath my house. I gasped and that’s when the man said to me again.

“And so what the faes want to know is are you good? Or are you wicked?”

“But I already told you I’m not a witch at all. Witches are old and ugly!” I then heard the musical ringing of laughter which startled me.

“What was that?” the man chuckled cunningly as he said.

“The seasonal faes. They’re laughing because I am a witch. Or well—Warlock. I am Fiyero, the Good Warlock of the North.”

“Really? Oh forgive me sir.” I curtsied. “But I never knew a Warlock could be handsome.”

“Only Bad Warlocks are ugly my dear.” Dear? The way he even called me that sounded familiar but—I still couldn’t place the face back home. “The seasonal faes are happy because you have freed them from the wrath of the Wicked Witch of the East.”

“If you’ll forgive me for asking but—what are seasonal faes?” I heard the musical laughter once more and that’s when Fiyero answered.

“The fairies responsible for making all the seasonal or earthly changes in our happy home of Oz.” he told me. Then with a graceful turn of his cape, he soon came up onto a platform and proclaimed, “You may come out my darlings and thank her.” But no one came out.

“Do—do they not trust me?”

“Oh pay no mind my dear. They’re just a little shy. But a little song helps ease them out. Do you know any?”

“I—I think I remember a song that my Auntie once sung to me when I was a little girl.”

“Would you care to sing it for them?” he extended out his hand for mine. I walked towards the platform and hesitantly looked up at him. His gentle brown eyes assured me that it would be okay, so I took his hand and he helped me up the stairs till I stood at the center of the platform.

I rubbed my sweaty palm against my jeans and cleared my throat before turning towards Fiyero who only nodded softly. I took a deep breath and softly began to sing. This was a song my Auntie Em used to sing to me to ease my fear. She said that her mum once sung it to her, and her mum before.

A song passed through generation to generation. As I did the soft vocalization part, I was shocked to hear a reply from a beautiful female voice echoing my vocalization, but adding another part to it.

Play video

*Me*

Every inch of me is trembling But not from the cold Something is familiar Like a dream I can reach but not quite hold I can sense you there Like a friend I've always known I'm arriving And it feels like I am home

I have always been a fortress Cold secrets deep inside You have secrets, too But you don't have to hide

Show yourself I'm dying to meet you Show yourself It's your turn Are you the one I've been looking for All of my life? Show yourself I'm ready to learn

Ah ah ah ah

*Female fae voice*

Ah ah ah ah

I could see Fiyero’s wide smile and he gestured for me to go on. I walked down off the platform and ventured further into the village. The first thing I went up to was a large Hollow tree. I touched the proud trunk before climbing up on top of it. When I scaled a certain part of the tree, I saw just to my left and ice slide.

I pulled myself onto the branch and slowly walked across it before sliding all the way down. Going side to side, loop-de-loops, and dipping straight down till I came to an underground cave. Fire soon sparked through the dark cave and I saw ahead of my large rock pillars just ahead of me.

I took the leap of faith and jumped across from rock to rock, using the fire as my light and only guiding source. When I reached the other side, I soon came across an icy paradise.

Ice surrounded most of this part of the cave, the light from the fire made the ice sparkle like a soft rainbow. Along the trail was an ice bridge and just underneath it was a flowing river. I walked along the bridge still singing my song till I came to an elegantly made ice staircase.

I quickly raced up the stairs only to come back to the beginning back to the front of the village. But still no faes made themselves known. Toto came up to me and I picked him up and turned to Fiyero shrugging in defeat and sadness.

Maybe they didn’t want to see me. And that was sad cause I’ve always secretly longed to see a fairy.

*Me*

I've never felt so certain All my life I've been torn But I'm here for a reason Could it be the reason I was born? I have always been so different Normal rules did not apply Is this the day? Are you the way I finally find out why?

Show yourself I'm no longer trembling Here I am I've come so far You are the answer I've waited for All of my life Oh, show yourself Let me see who you are

He held his hand out in wait as he walked down the platform and gently waved his diamond wand around and magic soon surrounded me with images of the four elements and seasons.

Spring and Earth, Summer and Fire, Autumn and Air, and Winter and Water. When he finished the verse he gestured for me to take over.

I set Toto back down on the ground and just stared in awe at each of the elements/seasons slowly spinning around me. I then found myself reaching out towards the Spring element and as soon as I touched the flower, a powerful magic blast exploded out across the village.

*Fiyero*

Come to her now Open your door Don't make her wait One moment more *Me*

Oh, come to me now Open your door Don't make me wait One moment more

Soon I saw nothing but fairy dust fly out from either the homes, the tree, the caves, and even the garden I had crossed earlier. I was soon surrounded by thousands if not millions of fairies. All of them wearing the colors representing each season or element.

Winter and water spirits wore blue and white, Spring and Earth wore green and brown, the Autumn and Air wore orange or pink attires, and the Summer and Fire faes wore yellow or red. The faes then began singing in a beautiful choir and soon vocalizing were four beautiful women soon coming towards me.

They looked identical in facial appearance but each of them had their own significant ethereal based on each season or element they represented. They were also the same size as Fiyero compared to all the other faes.

I also noticed how these four women each wore a crown upon their heads. I turned to see Fiyero bowing to these four women, I began to realize that these four must be the Queens. I bowed in respect as well and that’s when I felt a hand under my chin.

It was the Spring Fae Queen and with her gentle green eyes she looked down at me with a motherly gaze as she sung to me. Her beautiful dark brown hair was like looking at the very earth at the ground, and with her spring flower crown decorating her hair, it just made her dark hair pop out even more.

*Faes*

Where the north wind meets the sea

*Fae Queens*

Ah ah ah ah

*Faes*

There's a river

*Fae Queens*

Ah ah ah ah

*Faes*

Full of memory

*Spring Fae Queen*

Come, my darling, homeward bound

*Me*

I am found!

For some reason I felt tears in my eyes but I sung out proudly and that’s when the four Queens allowed me in their circle. The Spring fae Queen first gifted me with a flower necklace that was a beautiful pink color.

The Summer Queen with a fire igniting from her hands, forced my hair to come undone from my braid and finally be long and flowing like fire itself. She even gave my hair some bright red highlights that almost resembled fire across the field.

The Autumn Queen soon came up and gifted me with two bracelets made of twig and she used the air to bring some Autumn leaves to decorate the bracelets. I even saw how along my arms a pattern of golden leaves were imprinted into my skin, kinda like a tattoo.

The Winter Queen changed my entire outfit into a pure snow white dress, but at the bottom of the dress it was an indigo color. It was also decorated with snowflake crystals of white, blue and indigo. And on the back it even had two wing-like flaps that came out of the shoulders.

The millions and millions of tiny Faes then began to circle me and as fairy dust came down upon me, I felt myself lifting into the air and I was soon spinning around like a top. I closed my eyes as I allowed the faes voices surround me and envelope my very soul.

It was like being wrapped in a blanket of warmth and love.

I would join in with the faes whenever I could as I raised my arms over my head and my hair rose high above me. With one final loud vocalization from me, fairy magic exploded across the land.

*All*

Show yourself Step into your power Grow yourself Into something new

*Fae Queens*

You are the one we've been waiting for

*Seasonal faes*

All of our lives

*Me*

All of your life

Oh, show yourself

*Faes*

Ah ah

Ah ah ah ah

*Me*

Ah ah ah ah

Soon I was gently lowered back to the ground as all the faes fluttered all over the place and the four Queens stood before me.

“We thank you again dear one. For you have freed us from the wrath of the Wicked Witch of the East.” The Spring Queen said with a voice that warm and sweet just like honey.

“And from each of us, we have bestowed upon you a Faes life force. Should the time come, our magic will help heal any wound or brink of death you may encounter.” The Winter Queen told me. Her white hair resembled the snow in winter and her icy blue eyes held such warmth.

“Let the news be spread far and wide from every far reaches of our Fae kingdoms,” the Autumn Queen first started off.

“The Wicked old Witch at last is dead!” the Summer Queen finished as she raised her arm high over and shot a fireball into the air. All the fairies cheered and rejoiced.

Fiyero came up to me and placed a hand to my shoulder smiling down at me.

“Being gifted by the Fae Queens is a most powerful thing. You should be considered lucky.” I nodded and I bowed to the four Queens again and said.

“Thank you, your majesties. I shall treasure your trust and gift forever.”

Suddenly out of nowhere an explosion happened right in the middle of the fae kingdom. An evil red smoke soon exploded out and an awful smell took over the air. All the faes soon took off fleeing back to their hiding places and there stood an evil looking man.

He was dressed in a full black Warlock robes and held a broomstick in his hand. His green skin was like the grassy fields back home and his eyes were gleaming with hatred right at me. The 4 Queens and Fiyero all stood protectively around me as the green warlock walked towards the feet that were sticking out from my house.

“I—I thought you said the Witch was dead.”

“That was his sister. This creature is the Wicked Warlock of the West. And he’s far worse than his sister was.” Fiyero said to me.

“Who killed my sister? Who killed the Witch of the East? Was it you?!” the Warlock of the West said as he slinked towards us before glaring right down at me.

“No. No it was an accident. I didn’t mean to kill anyone!” I said fearfully.

“Well my little lass. I can cause accidents too!”

“Aren’t you forgetting the Ruby slippers?” the Spring fae Queen asked.

“The slippers, yes!” the Warlock of the West said. He turned back towards his sister’s feet. Next thing we saw, the slippers disappeared and the feet curled in before disappearing underneath my house. “They’re gone! The ruby slippers. What have you done with them? Give them back to me or I’ll—”

“It’s too late. There they are, and there they’ll stay.” Fiyero said as he wand pointed down toward my feet. I looked down and gasped.

My normal shoes had now been replaced by the witch’s ruby slippers.

“Give me back my slippers. I’m the only one who knows how to use them. They’re of no use to you. Give them back to me. Give them back!”

“Keep tightly inside of them my dear. Their magic must be very powerful, or he wouldn’t want them so badly.” The Summer queen warned me.

“You females stay out of this. Same with you Fiyero! Or I’ll fix you as well.”

“Ha! Rubbish green-meanie! You have no power here. Now fly off! Before someone drops a house on you too!” Fiyero laughed. The Warlock suddenly grew fearful as he looked up at the sky for a moment before looking back at us.

“Very well, I’ll bide my time. And as for you my little lass. It’s true I cannot rid of you here as I’d like but just try to stay out of my way. Just try. I’ll get you my pretty, and you’re little dog too!” I looked down at Toto who was hiding behind my legs.

I quickly grabbed him and held him in my arms as the Warlock of the West let out a sinister cackle before moving away from us and disappearing into red smoke and fire. We all heard the fearful exclaims of the other faes.

“It’s alright now you may come back out. He’s gone.” The Spring queen assured all the faes.

“It’s alright. He’s gone. You may come back out.” The Winter queen spoke out as well. Fiyero waved his hand in front of his nose and said.

“Ugh what a rotten smell of sulfur. I’m afraid you’ve made a rather nasty enemy out of the Warlock of the West. The sooner you return home safe and sound, the safer you’ll sleep at night my darling.” He stroked a strand of my hair out of my face.

“I’d give anything to get home all together. But…..which way is the way back to Wales? I can’t go the way I came.”

“No indeed not. The only person who might be able to help you, would be the Great and benevolent Wizard of Oz himself.” At the mention of that name. the Fae Queens and all the fairies bowed their heads.

“Wizard of Oz? Is he good or is he wicked?”

“Oh very good but very mysterious. He lives in the Emerald City and that’s a long ways from here. Did you bring your broomstick with you?” I grinned sheepishly.

“No I’m afraid not.” I admitted shyly.

“Well then you’ll have to walk. The faes will see you safely out of the borders of their land. And remember; never let those ruby slippers off your feet for a moment. Or you will be at the mercy of the Wicked Warlock of the West.” Fiyero said as he led me across the garden before standing in front of me and giving me a kiss on each cheek.

“Okay but—how do I get to Emerald City?”

“It’s always best to start at the beginning. And all you have to do, is follow the yellow brick road.” He said going a grand gesture towards the trail of yellow bricks.

I hesitantly walked towards it before turning back towards Fiyero and asked him.

“But what happens if—”

“Just follow the yellow brick road my darling.” He said with a smile and a wink. Then he transformed back into his crystal ball and it began to shrink as it floated off back towards the sky. All the while some of the faes flying behind him waving goodbye.

“Damn. People come and go so quickly around here don’t they?” the faes all nodded.

“Here, let’s get you back into your normal clothes. Those aren’t really meant for traveling.” The Winter Queen said and with a twirl of her hand, the dress disappeared and my normal clothes came back. I also took notice that the Autumn leaves along my arm had also disappeared, and when I looked at my hair, the red highlights were gone as well.

“Wait, did you…..”

“No my dear. You still have our ties to you. It’s best to keep Fae magic outside of our kingdom a secret. Anyone with the gift of the faes becomes a target and you’ve already become one for the Warlock of the West.” The Autumn Queen told me.

“But if you do need to prove yourself protected by the Four Fae Queens, just touch the necklace of earth I’ve gifted you and your protection marks will come forth.” The Spring Queen assured me.

I nodded before looking down at the point where the yellow brick road started.

“Follow the yellow brick road.” I said to myself as I slowly began walking the spiral of the road. “Follow the yellow brick road.”

“Follow the yellow brick road.” The Autumn Queen told me. I looked at her and she nodded as I continued to walk along the Yellow brick road. All the while I could hear the other Queens tell me to follow the Yellow Brick road.

Soon the faes all began to sing as I walked along the trail before some of the Spring faes held out some violins and began playing them as they continued to sing as the Queens soon came up alongside me and we all skipped down the road.

Follow the yellow brick road Follow the yellow brick road Follow follow follow follow

Follow the yellow brick road Follow the yellow brick

Follow the yellow brick

Follow the yellow brick road

You're off to see the wizard

The wonderful wizard of oz You'll find he is the wizard of wiz

If ever a wiz there was, If ever or ever a wizard that was The wizard of oz is one because,

Because, because, because, because,

Because, because of the wonderful things he does You're off to see the wizard

The wonderful wizard of oz

When I reached the borders of the Fae kingdom, they all stopped as I continued to skip along ahead with Toto right at my feet. I briefly stopped and turned to bid the fairies goodbye. They all waved goodbye to me and I blew them a kiss before continuing down the Yellow brick road.

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sero-sphere · 5 years ago

Text

L.O.V Christmas Party

Warnings: Alcohol comsumption, swearing and dildos?

Word Count: 1,900

Really just wanted to write a soft shiggy, but here we are with this crack fic. ( League of Villians x f reader)

( ＾◡＾)っ✂( ＾◡＾)っ✂( ＾◡＾)っ✂( ＾◡＾)っ✂( ＾◡＾)っ✂( ＾◡＾)っ✂

A Christmas party? For villains? It was a bad idea, but yet here you were wearing an ugly Christmas sweater and Santa hat. Toga was in charge of decorating and you had to admit she did a good job, but there was fucking glitter everywhere. You peered down into your drink and held it up to the light, only to see it glisten as you swished it around.

“Ah tis’ the season I guess” You said to Spinner who was looking at you like you were crazy for even drinking that.

“You act like that’s the worst thing you’ve ever seen me do…. We were literally just out on a mission together.”

“Yeah I guess you’re right” and with that Spinner took off to the bar. Your eyes followed him as he passed the pile of shittly wrapped gifts in the center of the room,that were for a game of yankee swap later. You could only imagine the gifts that everyone had picked out. You then glanced over to the bar where you noticed a bunch of food set up. “I really hope there’s pie” you mumbled to yourself as you made your way over.

"Hey where did we get all this, it looks fucking amazing!" "I compressed a catering truck, sweetie...." Compress looked over to you, admiring your outfit. He himself was wearing a Christmas sweater, along with his usual mask and hat. "Nice dude! Those poor people!" Twice interjected before you had a chance to reply. He was in a Santa suit, minus the beard and hat. Instead of a Santa hat, he was wearing an elf’s hat in its place.You figured it was probably just his way of expressing himself. You pretty much pushed him out of the way when you saw what was directly behind him on the table.

“Oh, this pie is delicious!!” Your voice was barely understandable as you shoved a whole piece of the pecan pie into your mouth, filling up your cheeks like a chipmunk. Compress and Twice were staring at this point.

“Would you guys stop, I just really like pie ok?” You said while you were still chewing, making yourself look like an even bigger dumbass by talking with all that food in your mouth.

“So conceited, like I would be looking at you. You look so cute let me pinch em’!” Twice smirked as he made a pinching motion at your cheeks with his left hand, and pointed directly behind you with his right.

“No, we’re really not looking at you, don’t worry.” Mr. Compress nodded and suggested for you look over your shoulder. You turned around and came face to face with Tomura. You nearly choked when you noticed what he was wearing.

“Oh hi!!” You managed to whisper to the boy who was standing no less than half a foot away from your face. A Santa hat with thick white fur sat on the top of his head. You followed the tip down to where it hung over his shoulders. His hands were in his pockets instead of scratching at his neck for once. In place of his usual black shirt, he was wearing a thick, red knit, turtle neck sweater. It bunched up perfectly around his face.

“Hey, we match…I guess” His hand left his pocket and gestured to the hat you forgot you were even wearing at this point.

“That’s cute, I’m going to be sick.” Twice scoffed.

“I’m going to go get a drink, you guys want one? Just kidding, I know you all do, I’ll be right back.” You left the three of them together as you made your way across the party to get some more drinks. You had to get away before you embarrassed yourself. Shigaraki was looking just too nice in his Christmas attire and you knew your drunk self couldn’t behave.

Kurogiri was tending the bar per usual.

“Gimme something that just screams ‘holiday season’ please sir.” You grabbed a candy cane from the table and started to unwind it from the plastic as he handed you some nasty eggnog drink. “Ugh really. Maybe something else?” You could have sworn you saw what you thought was an eye roll but you weren’t sure, could he even do that?

“Better?” Kurogiri passed you a red, but somehow still glittery drink. You took the candy cane out from your mouth and tasted it.

“Yes, thank you! Two more please.” Once the drinks were made you plopped the candy cane back in your mouth and carefully grabbed all 4 glasses at once and started off towards everyone else.

“Hey Shiggy, you want this eggnog? It’s gross so you'd probably like it.” You handed him the drink as you put the others down on the table for everyone else to grab.

“It’s probably not bad, Eggnog is pretty good. Especially if its’ got whiskey or bourbon in it…” a voice behind you spoke up.

“Dabi!!” You trapped him in a hug immediately.

“Calm down doll, I’m not that special” Dabi leaned over and wrapped an arm around your waist, dragging you closer to him. He, like the party pooper he was, wore his regular clothes, nothing Christmas about him. It wasn’t new for him to be handsy either, he was touchy feely with pretty much everyone.

Shigaraki took a sip and nodded in agreement with Dabi.

“He really likes that?” You thought to yourself. “Whatever tickles his pickle….oh god what have I done. Now I can’t stop thinking about his…”

“Y/n? You alright? Your face is bright red, it looks like you’re about to…” Dabi teased. You spoke up before he got to finish.

“I’ll be fine, I’m going to find Toga! I wanna tell her what an awesome job she did giving everyone craft store herpes!” You heard a few laughs as you took off in search of her. She was sitting on a love seat by the fire place chatting with Spinner. You went over to join her. She was wearing an oversized Christmas sweater and reindeer ears. She looked like a little kid.

After a few minutes of chatting she got up leaving the reindeer ears she was wearing behind. Dabi swiftly replaced her spot beside you.

“What’cha got there doll?”

“Hmmm, let me show you!” You reached over as he leaned closer to you, allowing you to put the ears on him.

“Ohh, he is just soo cute!!” Toga exclaimed. She was skipping back over towards the two of you, with a plate of goodies in her hand.

“That pie is to die for, ugghhhhhmmm” You moaned as you thought about having another slice….this would be your… what, third piece? You couldn’t remember, wait why couldn’t you remember? Oh right, the alcohol. How many drinks have you had at this point? Why couldn’t you remember that either? Oh right, because you were thinking about Shigarakis pickle and needed something to distract you.

Now,here you were, thinking about Shigarakis dick for the 2nd time tonight. Not that you hadn’t thought about it before, but now that you were this drunk it was dangerous. Between all the drinks, and your thoughts, you were hot. Very hot. Dabi sitting so close didn’t help either, with his quirk and all. Your cheeks felt like they were on fire, so you decided to take off your Christmas sweater, leaving you in nothing but the skimpy red tank top you had on underneath.

Shigaraki, who was sitting by the bar watched your every move. He even watched as you skipped along to kiss Toga under the mistletoe. His stares were interrupted when Dabi, who had also moved from his seated position, crept to the bar where Shiggy was, for another drink.

"You know you can do more than just stare at her, right? Like maybe you could even go and give her a gift...."

“I mean, I could…but why? Christmas is stupid.” He tried to play it off like it wasn’t a great idea.

“Yeah it is.” Dabi groaned in agreement. “but she's drunk as fuck, and probably hasn't gotten a Christmas gift...like ever. I don’t even know why I'm giving you advice… but man you look like a creep just staring at her all night.”

Dabi handed him another drink for encouragement and sent him on his ‘merry’ way. As Tomura walked over towards you, he took a pit stop to swipe the first gift he saw from the huge pile of gifts in the center of the room. “eh, this will be fine I guess”......

“Hey, I caught someone trying to steal your sweater before so I gave it to Kurogiri to hold on for you.” He said grabbing your attention.

“Oh thanks, I kinda forgot about it…what’s that?” You pointed excitedly to the gift he had in his hand. There was no way it was for you, was it? You watched as he handed it to you without even saying a word.

“It’s for me? Aw, thanks Shiggy, you shouldn’t have. I can’t even remember the last time I got a gift on Christmas….can I open it?” You said all too eagerly. Normally you would have been more humble about him giving you a gift, but you had drank too much to feel even the slightest bit of embarrassment tonight.

“Uhm, now? Are you sure?” Tomura admittedly didn’t even know what it was. What if it was something dumb and you hated it? He would have to come up with some reasoning for why he’d picked it out. He’d rather you wait, but he heard himself speak up.

“Yeah of course.” What the fuck, he thought for sure he was going to tell you to wait, but he just said yes? He silently cursed himself as he watched you tear apart the gift, which he just now realized was wrapped with a little too much tape. Little bits were getting stuck all over you, so you jumped around a bit to try and shake them off. He couldn’t help himself as his gaze drifted down to your chest, almost zoning out. Watching as they jiggled slightly with every wave of motion. He didn’t even notice that you had successfully unwrapped the present, and were now staring up at him giggling.

“How’d you know! That’s just what I wanted!!! I mean like, I have been thinking about it all night.”

He glanced down at the gift in your hands, thankful that you actually liked it, and his stupid associates hadn’t picked out anything awful. Then he saw just what it was. Leave it to them to fucking pick this out. It was a big, pale blue, dildo. Almost exactly the same color of his hair. He was eternally screaming at this point. Since when did they make dildos in this shade? Why would someone buy that? He didn’t know what to do until he thought back to what you just said.

“Wait you said you were thinking about this all night?”

………………………………………………………………

“Yeah, were going to be one gift short, Shigaraki already swiped one, per my advice” Dabi stated as he was sitting down to start the game with everyone.

“Where is he anyway?” Toga chimed in. “And Y/N, haven’t seen them in a while”

“Who cares? I’m worried!” Twice roared from his seat beside Toga.

It wasn’t until they got the last of the gifts open that Spinner spoke up.

“Wait, I brought something hilarious, why haven’t any of you spoken up yet?”

“Dabi, said Tomura already took a gift for Y/N-chan remember…” Toga teased on.

Spinner put two and two together, and decided to let everyone else in on his gag gift. They all found it hilarious. Twice was rolling around on the floor almost in tears.

Yourself and Tomura decided to sneak back into the party at this point. Everyone was still laughing when you guys made your way in.

“What’s so fucking funny?” Tomura grumbled, startling everyone and making them jump.

#shigaraki x reader #shigaraki tomura #tomura x reader #tomura shigaraki #league of villains #crack fic #bnha crack #bnha x reader

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thetallwinchester · 4 years ago

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Worth the Effort

Pairing: Katelyn and Aaron

Fantasy, hurt/comfort (sorta?)

Words: 1.1K

Here is my @aftgexchange Gift Fic for @crows-scones-and-exy-thrones! I hope you like it!

Summary: Katelyn fails a Orthopedic Healing exam and Aaron tries to cheer her up during a study date.

Aaron raised an eyebrow as he peered over the menu in the Foxhole Cafe. Behind the counter his brother Andrew tapped his fingers on the counter. “Hurry it up Aaron.”

Aaron rolled his eyes, there weren't any customers behind him. He would have heard them come in.

“Oh leave him be Andrew!” Their cousin Nicky chidded from somewhere in the back.

Aaron nodded once, settling on his and Katelyn’s order. They had a long night of studying ahead. “Two pumpkin lattes, one with essence of confidence and one with a double shot of espresso.”

“Hm, getting up your confidence to talk to your girlfriend?” Andrew hummed typing in the order. “You’d think after dating for two years you’d be able to talk to her without some extra help.”

Aaron raised an eyebrow determined to turn the argument back around in his favor. “For your information the double shot of espresso is your fault. If your boyfriend wasn’t up until two in the morning screaming over professional exy this wouldn’t be a problem.”

Andrew said nothing and got to work on the drinks. The little cafe wasn’t busy, but still some other students filled a few tables. One group of students had the audacity to bring their familiars with them. Andrew would no doubt complain about having to sweep up feathers and fur after they’d gone. Aaron had left Carmen, his cat, in the dorms to peacefully sleep the evening away.

In the end, Aaron didn’t have to wait for their drinks long. The walk to the University’s library was a chilly one. The leaves were changing colors and Aaron actually had to put on a scarf this morning. When Aaron reached the library he mumbled a spell to cast the door open and headed toward the Healing section. He scanned the huge area for Katelyn and found her in the back huddled in their corner. She had a textbook up in front of her face and was waving her fingers. A book flew off the shelf closest to Aaron’s head and he had to duck as it floated to Katelyn’s table.

“Trying to take my head off?” He asked. Katelyn looked up and gave a tired smile. It made Aaron’s chest hurt. Katelyn had failed the exam for Orthopedic Healing and would have to make it up. She was devastated. She’d studied so long last week, and none of it appeared on the exam. When Aaron called her that night to ask how it went Katelyn went quiet and kept the call brief. At first Aaron hadn’t known what was wrong and assumed she was mad at him. He’d really had to drag the truth out of her.

“Oops. Hello, Aaron! I’m trying to catch up for the retake next Monday.” Katelyn said barely looking up from the now four books spread over the table. Aaron watched as a Library Guardian, a black fox, tilted it’s head at him. The fox wanted the books Katelyn had sitting on the chair next to her. The Library Guardians cleaned up books and if the students needed help finding one, the foxes would often lead them to it.

When Aaron first arrived at Palmetto he wondered why they were called Guardians and not just Librarians. Then one day when he was studying late into the night, someone from off campus tried to sneak into the library to steal some older tommes. Two of the nearest Library Guardians let out high pitched fox-squeals before growing in size and turning into the most hideous fox like creatures Aaron had ever seen. They grew over twenty feet tall, and had big gaping jaws. Their paws turned into big ugly hands with unbelievably long claws. They chased the man away and for a second Aaron was afraid, were they going to come get him too? But one of the monsters faced him and shrunk back into the large fox Aaron always believed it to be. That day Aaron promised himself to always follow the library rules.

“Sorry buddy. We’ll be done with them soon.” Aaron nodded his head away from the table and the little fox moved on.

Aaron sat across from his girlfriend at the covered table. She was sitting cross legged and flipping back and forth in one book. “I brought you something.” Katelyn looked up and smiled. Aaron handed her the drink and she took a long sip.

She gave him an easy smile, there’s his Katelyn, “Thanks Aaron, but whether or not I’m confident now doesn’t really help me on my test.”

“Not true! If you’re confident now you’ll be able to focus on studying which should help you. Also how did you pick up on the essence of confidence so fast?” This girl never ceased to amaze him. God he loved her.

Katelyn raised an amused eyebrow holding the warm takeout cup up to her cheek. “I aced potions Aaron. Also I felt better way too fast not to notice. Let’s study together. Hey little buddy-” Katelyn called out to a Library Guardian as it passed the table. She reached into her bag and tossed it a potato chip before handing it two small books she was done with. Katelyn clearly didn’t have the same ideals about not breaking the rules as Aaron did. Aaron was a bit of a stick in the mud he knew, but Katelyn had loosened him up over the years.

The fox continued on its way to put the books away and Katelyn smiled after it. “Library Guardians were one of the best ideas ever. So helpful. And cute too.” She hummed before moving some books from in front of Aaron. Aaron hummed once again thinking back to the night the man broke into the library.

He took out his own notes and began to highlight the important parts. They worked quietly, Aaron sipping his strong coffee. Aaron decided it was time to quit when he started to develop a headache. He looked up and Katelyn was fast asleep on the table in front of him.

Aaron smiled to himself, and shook his head. Katelyn’s head was in her arms on the Grimoire for Orthopedics. He watched her sleep for another minute, the easy rise and fall of her shoulders. Then he put away his notes, and quietly as possible, closed all seven textbooks handing them to passing by Librarian Guardians. He slipped the Grimoire out from under Katelyn and she barely even noticed. She worked so hard, sometimes Aaron worried for her health. As far as he knew, Katelyn hadn’t slept a wink since she failed the test.

Aaron shook his girlfriend awake. “Hm?- Oh no I fell asleep! Where are the textbooks?” Her sleepy voice was quiet.

“I gave them back to the Guardians. Come on, let’s get you back to the dorms.” Aaron said offering her his hand. Katelyn took it with a smile and put her head on his shoulder.

“I can walk myself back. I’m a big girl Aaron.” Katelyn protested with a smile.

“It’s after dark. I just want to make sure you get back safely.” Aaron said.

They walked back to Katelyn’s dormitory and passed students milling about with their familiars. Birds, cats, frogs and the sort all dutifully accompanying their people. Some students were still in their uniforms, robes and hats alike. Some like Aaron and Katelyn had opted not to wear their hats this late after class. They walked quietly with their hands linked enjoying the quiet. Well aside from the occasional “pop” of a spell and laughter from friends. Katelyn spelled the door to her dorm building open and Aaron saw her figure disappear. He waited outside the dorms until He saw her window open and she stuck her head out. “Goodnight Aaron! Thanks for the coffee, I love you!”

Aaron waved back. “Love you too! Good luck on your test. Get some rest.” He shook his head as he saw her close the window and turn down the light. He began his walk back to his own dorm with a smile on his face. Aaron knew she’d do well on her test, she worked too hard not to.

#aaron/katelyn #aaron minyard #aftg #all for the game #foxhole court #tfc #aftgexchange #aft exchange

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stereksecretsanta · 5 years ago

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Merry Christmas, @negativenorth!

Read on AO3

*****

Welcome To The Jingle

Derek was positive he’d never seen so much glitter and tinsel in his life, and he’d grown up with two sisters and seven female cousins.

“Tell me why we’re here again?” he whispered out the side of his mouth at Boyd, ever his most level-headed beta. The temperature had dropped with the sun, and his words swirled into mist before they dispersed into the night air. Derek could admit—only to himself, of course, never out loud—that he was a little desperate to make new holiday traditions with his (officially all adults now thank god) pack. But his ideas had run more along the lines of a cozy take-out dinner at his new apartment, an ugly sweater or white elephant party, or maybe volunteering at the local soup kitchen.

It had not involved spending Christmas Eve at Jungle.

“It was this, or karaoke, Derek,” Erica answered with a grimace. “And I’ve heard you sing.”

“But this?” Derek motioned to the “Ladies” Night vinyl banner hanging over the front door, flapping in the cool night breeze. “Male strippers don’t seem especially… festive.”

“Maybe they’ll be wearing red and green thongs,” Isaac supplied, snuggling his red-tipped nose further into the fashionable scarf wrapped artfully around his neck.

They flashed their IDs at the bouncer, a burly dude Derek recognized from high school, but couldn’t attach a name to the unsmiling face. The guy, decked out head to toe in black except for a necklace of merrily twinkling plastic holiday lights, gave Derek a curious once-over, then addressed Erica. “Hale, party of ten?”

Derek opened his mouth to refute the number, but Erica flashed a megawatt smile. “That’s us.”

He handed her a white laminated card proclaiming Welcome to The Jingle in blocky stenciled letters. “You’re at the VIP table, center stage.” He hiked a thumb over his shoulder. “The rest of your party is already here.”

“Who are we meeting?” Derek asked Boyd. He really wasn’t up for making conversation with people he didn’t know. “What’s going on?”

“You’ll see.” Boyd managed to make the statement, punctuated by a slap on the back, seem ominous. “Don’t say we never gave you anything.”

Cutting through the thick-as-molasses crowd was slow going. All around him, sweaty middle-aged women screeched at a beefy guy with thighs to rival Derek’s in circumference, bumping and grinding up on the stage to Lady Gaga’s Christmas Tree. Isaac had been wrong about the red and green thongs; this guys wasn’t wearing anything but a fur-trimmed santa hat. The whole place reeked of stale perfume and cheap baby oil. One woman threw a lacy blue bra on stage.

Not for the first time that evening—and most of the time, if he was being honest—Derek found himself missing Stiles, who wasn’t due home from his last semester until the day after Christmas. Right about now Stiles would be riling up the pack good-naturedly, making inappropriate jokes, pulling begrudging smiles from Derek. Stiles would love the ridiculousness of male strippers on Christmas Eve, would help Derek embrace the fun in every chaotic adventure they found themselves in.

The throng parted and Derek got a glimpse of some familiar faces sitting around a table with a hot-pink tented Reserved sign. “Scott! Kira!” Derek exclaimed, heart alight with happiness. “I didn’t think you were due back from Japan until January!”

“Are you kidding?” Kira said with a smile. “We wouldn’t miss this!”

“Neither would we,” his sister Cora said, motioning to Lydia and leaning over the table to give Derek a kiss on the cheek.

“I would gladly have missed it,” Jackson said in a bored tone, wrapping his arm around Ethan’s shoulder, “but there’s really nothing else to do in this podunk town.”

Allison rolled her eyes. “The population of Beacon Hills is almost thirty-thousand, Jackson. It’s nothing compared to London’s eight million, or the two million in Paris, but we’re certainly not in the backwoods.”

“I can’t believe you all traveled home for the holidays, and decided the first thing you wanted to do was go see a strip show. Don’t get me wrong, I’m thrilled to have everyone back, but…” Derek trailed off. He was honestly a little baffled. Except for Cora and Lydia, everyone in their ragtag group had twenty-four-seven access to dick, either their own or their partners, and looking around, he’d wager when you counted in all the full-moon runs through the preserve that had ended with naked shifts back from their wolfy forms, they’d all seen more penis over the last year than any of the other customers in the infamous gay club. Why they wanted to see more, and on Christmas Eve of all nights, made no sense.

“We’re all here for support,” Scott said with a wink. Support? Supporting who?

Erica man-handeled Derek into the booth as the stripper on stage ended his dance to uproarious applause and explicit cat-calls, and sat on the end so Derek couldn’t escape.

“Ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together for Sexy Santa!” The announcer called into the hand-held microphone. Santa took a few deep bows and blew several kisses. ”If you jingle his bells, he’ll give you a white Christmas.”

Derek stood up. Screw traditions and pack bonding. “Yeah, no. I’m going home. See you all in the morning.”

Erica grabbed him by the back of his leather jacket, seams screaming in protest as she forcefully pulled him back into the booth. “Sit down! You’re going to miss the main attraction!”

“Why should I care about seeing whomever is taking their clothes off next?”

Erica’s smile was evil. ”Because you know him.”

”Wha--” The overhead lights dimmed, casting the stage, outlined in dim red rope lighting, into darkness. The opening riff of Welcome to the Jungle screamed through the sound system, foundation accompanied by festive jingling bells and a heavy rolling baseline that pounded the floor under Derek’s feet, vibrating his legs until they felt like jelly.

Welcome to the jingle, get out your toys and games

Got you on the naughty list baby, you’ll call out our names

Hard and rough or slow and kind

whatever you may need

If you got that package, honey

Wrap it up for me

”What the f--” Derek didn’t get to finish. A good-yellow spotlight came on, sudden and blinding, illuminating a dancer on stage. He was dressed in knee-high red and white striped socks, ridiculous curved black elf shoes, and a black thong with a wrapped, bow-topped present super glued directly over his crotch.

The dancer was Stiles.

Stiles, so lithe and pale, creamy snow-white skin a stark contrast to the rippling oiled bronze muscles of Sexy Santa, but no less alluring. He was lean lines of smooth stomach and slightly jutting hip bones. He was sinewy arms and thin but powerful thighs. A small layer of sweat pooled at the back of Derek’s neck, a single trickle dropping down the back of his t-shirt.

Long-fingered hands grabbed on to a gleaming silver pole as he undulated his body out and in, shoulders and spine rolling, perfectly timed to the music. A murmur of appreciation rippled through Derek’s chest like a growl. After a few sinuous circuits around the pole, Stiles arched back, pulling himself off the ground, curling like a snake around the silver metal as he spun, thighs quivering slightly. The crowd went wild, money raining down on the stage floor.

Stiles uncurled, absurd elf shoes dropping back to the floor. He shimmied toward the edge of the stage, faux-package bobbing before Derek’s eyes as he fell into a deep squat in front of the packs booth. He had the audacity to wink at Derek, who was extremely grateful he was sitting down, the tent in his pants hidden from view under the table. Stiles dropped down onto his elbows and forearms, pelvis oscillating inches above the floor.

Stiles collected a few bills in the strap of his g-string, then crawled back toward the pole on his hands and knees, giving Derek and the rest of the audience a fantastic view of his ass. He stepped in front of the pole, grabbed it from behind with both hands and thrusts his hips into the air.

The whole pack came to their feet, screaming and whistling so loud Derek missed the last few bastardized lyrics of the song. Stiles took one final another spin around the pole before taking a bow.

The announcer called for one last round of applause and Stiles disappeared backstage.

“That was amazing!” Kira screamed, bouncing on her toes.

Jackson huffed. “Why can’t Stilinski ever show that much grace and coordination when we have to take down a threat?”

The announcer slunk over to the edge of the stage and motioned to Derek. “This is for you,” he said, handing Derek a slip of white paper. The pack broke out in a collective “ohhhhhh!” Unfolding it, Derek found a note written in Stiles’ slanted script: Meet me in the parking lot in ten minutes.

“We’ll see you tomorrow morning to open our presents, Erica said with a smirk, sliding out of the booth and granting Derek his freedom. “Tell Stiles we all enjoyed the show.”

And Derek meant to, as soon as Stiles walked up to him in the parking lot, now fully dressed, but instead what fell out of his mouth was, “Dear God, are those fake elf ears?” Derek reached up and ran a finger along the pointed tip of Stiles’ ear. “You are such a nerd.”

Stiles threw his head back and laughed, exposing the long line of his pale neck, the heat of his breath rolling toward the black sky in white misty clouds. “When I play a part, I commit. I had an extra pair laying around from that Halloween I was Spock.” He flashed Derek the Vulcan salute.

“Is this a part you’ll be playing a lot now that you’re officially back in Beacon Hills?” Derek asked, gesturing at the “Ladies” Night sign, now hanging haphazardly over the club door. “You were amazing up there.”

“Are you kidding? My father would kill me. This was just a favor for the girls. They were short on dancers because of the holiday.” He looked Derek up and down, weighing his words against the line of Derek’s shoulder and the clench of his jaw. “But there is something I’m hoping to commit to. Someone.”

Derek stepped closer, pulling Stiles into his chest. “This someone better appreciate your dance moves.”

Stiles rubbed his hips against Derek’s. “Oh, I’m absolutely sure he does.” He came up on top-toe, closing the last few inches of space between their mouths.

“The pack will be expecting breakfast tomorrow,” Derek gasped, pulling back from the kiss. Stiles’ face followed his, biting playfully at his bottom lip.

“Don’t worry, I make a mean stack of pancakes.” He slipped their hands together and squeezed, a warm, gentle pressure. “Come on, Derek.” He smiled, cheeks glimmering in the moonlight with iridescent glitter. “Take me home.”

#negativenorth #stereksanta19 #*fics19 #*gifts19

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reindeersweaters · 5 years ago

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A Hand for Mrs. Claus

Rating : T? I think...? Rude humor, some harsh language, and lots of implied sexual content... but I don’t think it actually warrants M? Idk... just be careful?

Words : 2492

Pairing: Anna/Kristoff

Continuation of the ‘Santa Baby’ series.

I will have you all know that I was bullied into writing this... okay not really. I wrote it because I wanted to. But a proposal was mentioned and I love writing my favorite cuties be happy together. This continues along the outrageous ‘Santa’ theme that I started. Merry Christmas to all and all that jazz. Enjoy~

He had the girl. He had the ring.

Those were, apparently, not the two most important things when planning a proposal, Kristoff had found. The most important thing was to, in the words of his loving father who was still getting over his (vicious) cold; “grow a pair and just fucking ask her.” His mother had been absolutely horrified by the language but had agreed with the sentiment.

Alas, there lay the problem, though. He was having some trouble getting up his courage.

It wasn’t that he was worried that she might say no. In fact, he was quite certain she would say ‘yes’. He just couldn’t find the right moment.

He’d been carrying the ring around in his pocket for a full week, just waiting for the opportunity to get down on one knee to present itself… it had not.

And Elsa had been absolutely no help. He’d asked her weeks ago if Anna had ever mentioned a particular way she would like to be proposed to.

“Nope.” Elsa had said, flipping the page of a book and not even looking up at him.

“No, hot air balloons?”

“Nope.”

“No special hikes out to romantic waterfalls or anything?”

“Nope.”

“No butterflies and confetti?”

“Kristoff you are over thinking this.”

He probably was. But how was he supposed to ask the most extraordinary girl in the entire world to marry him. I mean, he was no slouch, he didn’t have any horrible deep dark secrets, and he knew he wasn’t ugly (though he’d never thought he was particularly handsome, his nose always felt too big), but those felt like remarkably small factors when he put them in comparison to everything Anna was.

Gorgeous, funny, brave, absolutely brilliant, and so kind. And feisty. And so, so beautiful.

All he had going for him was that he really loved her.

How was he supposed to do this??

And he needed to do it soon, because he had already shown his mother the ring he’d bought (terrible mistake, really), and if he didn’t ask her by Christmas Eve (in two days), he had no doubt his mother would spoil everything. She might actually just go ahead and ask her for him. And that would be a disaster.

“Oh, Kristoff look!” Anna exclaimed, yanking his hand.

The Christmas light display he and Anna were currently admiring was apparently one of the biggest in the state, and it was immaculate.

Anna was practically vibrating as she pulled him along, ‘oohing’ and ‘ahhing’ at every new display and fixture.

This is what had made the asking so difficult.

It was a romantic, albeit very crowded, place. But Anna was very easily distracted.

“Anna,” he cleared his throat, not for the first time that evening, preparing himself.

“Huh?” She only glanced at him for a second, so as not to miss the synchronized light display to the song ‘Joy to the World’.

“Um…” Kristoff rubbed the back of his neck quickly. “I was just thinking-“

No, that was a horrible way to begin this. ‘I was just thinking’? Who starts a proposal that way?

“You were thinking what?”

“Just that… you look beautiful tonight.”

“Awww.” She said peeling her eyes away from the twinkling lights to look at him. “Well that’s sweet. Thank you.”

“Well it’s true.” He laughed. “You look beautiful every night. Every day, too. All the time, actually. And I’m always going to think that, even when we’re old and gray, and you know, dying.”

“What?” Anna blinked and then laughed.

“I-oh nevermind.” He sighed, tucking her hand around his arm and walking abruptly to the next display.

“Oh, Kristoff, I wasn’t done looking at that- oh my gosh! Look at this!” She bounded forward, pulling him along again.

He waited for his cringeworthy words to wear off, as Anna looked at different displays. Anna was remarkably unbothered, but Kristoff felt shaken to his core. He’d talked about dying… what the hell was wrong with him??

When they came to a bridge that had a lighted archway overtop that blinked, twinkled, and shimmered in all different colors he realized the setting wasn’t going to get much prettier than this.

He took a deep breath.

“Anna.” He said firmly.

He began to lower down on one knee and fish the ring from his pocket.

A few people around them gasped in delight.

And Anna did not notice.

“Kristoff! Look, look, look! Just across the bridge.” Without even turning around she grasped ahold of his hand and jerked him forward.

He stumbled, due to the fact that he had been getting down on one knee, and Anna glanced back at him briefly, but she didn’t see the ring in his hand and continued to pull him along.

He’d blown it.

He spent the rest of their excursion being a bit of a grump (he knew it), because how could he have possibly missed such a golden opportunity? It had been so ideal! In fact, he saw another two people getting proposed to in the same spot as they’d walked around the park again, and he hadn’t been able to use that spot again. He hated those other two couples for some reason.

“Are you okay?” Anna asked as they pulled up in front of their apartment. “You’ve been really quiet.”

“Hm? I’m fine.”

“Are you sure?” Her hand rested on his arm.

“Yep. Just fine.”

She didn’t believe him, he could tell. But he pulled the keys out of the ignition and hopped out of his truck without any further prying. He jogged around to Anna’s door and opened it for her, helping her on the slick sidewalk.

As they approached the door, he saw a package resting there.

“What’s that?” Anna asked.

“I don’t know.” Kristoff was surprised that it wasn’t something Anna had ordered for Christmas (her cyber Monday shopping had been intense). “Is it not something you bought?”

“No, all my packages came in already.”

“Huh. It must have been misdelivered or something because I didn’t-“ He started to say then realization hit him. “Oh no!”

He hurried to the door and swiped up the package before Anna could get a good look at it and tucked it behind his back.

“What is it?”

“It’s nothing!” He insisted.

“Kristoff,” Anna raised an eyebrow. “Is it something for me?”

“Um… kinda. I forgot I bought it… late the other night when Elsa and Olaf were over, and we had maybe one too many glasses of eggnog.”

“Well what is it?” Anna giggled, skipping up to put her hands on his chest. “Or can’t you tell me?”

“Uh,” his voice cracked, “it’s um. It’s nothing. I’m going to return it.”

“What!?” Anna pouted. “You can’t return it! Not now that I’ve seen you got me something! Is it a Christmas gift?”

“Well, not exactly-“

“Then why can’t I see it now?”

“I think I bought the wrong size so-“

“The wrong size? So, it’s clothing?” She looked excited. “It’s too small to be a shoe box.”

“Erm… let’s go inside, please. Where the neighbors can’t hear this conversation.”

As Kristoff unlocked the door, and was bombarded by Sven, Anna snuck behind him and swiped the package from his hands.

“Anna!” He scrambled to get the door shut, and untangle himself from Sven’s slobbery dog kisses. “Please don’t!”

It was too late. She’s already ripped the tape off the box and pulled out a very (very) skimpy red lingerie set that had white fur trim and came with a Santa styled hat, and a pair of long red gloves. The plastic packaging that it came in very clearly read “Sexy Mrs. Claus Costume” over the top.

“Oh my god.” Anna said.

“It was meant to be a gag gift,” Kristoff stammered quickly, trying to talk his way out of what a perverted weirdo he must look like. “You know because the other day I was dressed as Santa, it’s just a joke though!”

But when Anna turned, she was giggling, and smiling.

“I can’t believe you bought this!” She squealed with a huge grin. “I’m going to go put this on right now!”

“Anna, you don’t have to!” Kristoff insisted.

“’Santa’ is about to get a real treat!” She arched an eyebrow seductively, then scampered down the hall to their bedroom.

Kristoff looked at Sven, who seemed to be eyeing him saying ‘you didn’t ask her yet did you?’

“Don’t patronize me.” He sighed.

“Kristoff!” Anna called down the hall, sounding far to giddy for her own good. “Put on the Santa hat that’s on the entertainment center.”

“That’s just for decoration, I thought?”

“Just do it!”

Kristoff sighed, taking off his coat and putting it away in the closet. He obediently retrieved the hat as instructed. He jammed it on his head as he sat on the couch and crossed his arms.

This was absolutely ridiculous, and it was his own damn fault.

“Hey google!” Anna’s voice came from the kitchen. “Play ‘A Hand for Mrs. Claus’.”

“’A Hand for Mrs. Claus’ by Idina Menzel, sure. Playing on Spotify.” The disembodied voice echoed through their apartment.

Then Anna came skipping into view.

“I wish I had some thigh-high boots to go with this.” She told him. “But I think it fits pretty well.”

Kristoff’s jaw had gone slack and he was having trouble forming words.

“What do you think, ‘Santa’?” She cocked a thinly veiled hip and raised a gloved arm above her head, striking a pose for him.

“Uh, erm, yeah.” He stuttered, unable to take his eyes off her. “You look… wow you look- you look-”

“Proud of your costume choice, huh?” She giggled, bouncing (so much was bouncing) up to him.

She straddled his hips and draped her arms over his shoulders.

“Mhmm.” Was all he could mumble.

“Has Santa been working so hard this year?” She gave him a little pout.

She had put on red lipstick for this.

“Are you really going to keep up with this ‘Santa’ thing?” He chuckled, his hands going to her hips automatically.

“Well if the hat fits, wear it.” She adjusted the hat on his head to a cocky angle.

“I think that phrase is ‘if the shoe fits, wear it’”

“Semantics.” She waved it off, her lips coming dangerously close to his. “Though I think your feet would be too big for Santa’s boots, honestly.”

“I did actually have to wear my own work boots the other day.”

“See.”

“So, is this something we’re going to do every year now?” He could feel that he had a dopey grin on his face.

“Maybe,” Anna giggled, “I’m honestly having a lot of fun with it.”

“I can tell.” His nose brushed hers. “Thanks for the warning though. It will take a bit of mental preparation to be called ‘Santa’ every year for the rest of my life.”

Anna pulled back slightly.

“What?” Her eyes were wide.

Kristoff realized what he’d done.

When he and Anna talked about the future, it had always been full of promise. There had never been an ‘end’ in sight, so to speak. They had talked about their dreams (Kristoff wanted to own just a little bit of land, and Anna desperately wanted tiny farm animals at some point), they had talked about homes (Kristoff wanted to build one someday, and Anna insisted a secret passageway was necessary), they had talked about kids (They both agreed that lots of kids would be good).

They had taken each day, each week, each month, and each year with hope for the future together, but never had Kristoff so explicitly stated the words ‘for the rest of my life’.

Now he had to do it.

He wasn’t going to get a better opportunity.

“Anna.” He said standing suddenly, taking Anna with him and setting her on her feet in front of him. “You… are the most extraordinary person I have ever met.”

He got down on one knee.

“Kristoff!” She gasped covering her mouth.

“I may not have much.” He took her other free hand. “But Anna, I promise you, for as long as I’m living, I will give you everything I have. I will do everything in my power to be the man that you want.”

“You already are.” She whispered, tears leaking from her eyes.

He smiled.

“Anna, I love you with all that I am.” He fished the ring out of his pocket and held it out to her. “Will you marry me?”

He barely got the words out of his mouth before Anna was attacking him with kisses.

“Yes! Yes! Yes! Yes!” She laughed, and cried, and covered his face with red lipstick marks.

He stood to his feet and spun her around. He couldn’t help it. He was too excited to stay kneeling.

She quickly peeled off the long glove on her left hand and let him slip the ring onto her finger.

“We’re engaged!” She shrieked, and he was sure the neighbors would be able to hear her. “We’re going to get married! I have to call everybody! I need to facetime Elsa to show her this ring!”

“Maybe you should change?”

“She already knows we’ve got a weird Santa kink going on.” Anna said leaping out of his arms to find her phone.

“Excuse me, what?”

“OH, and I gotta call your mom!”

“Please…” Kristoff begged. “Whatever you do when you tell this story, do not use the words “Santa kink”.”

“Of course not! I’ll just say you proposed at home in the sweetest way possible.” She came over and planted a giddy kiss on his lips again. “Wait! You had the ring in your pocket already?”

“Yes, I’ve been trying to ask you all week.”

“Really?”

“I was actually nearly down on one knee on that bridge earlier.”

“Oh my gosh!” Anna covered her mouth, her eyes wide with both amusement and pity. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Kristoff insisted, giving her nose a kiss. “This was better.”

Then she kissed him. And again. And then her kiss lingered. He grasped ahold of her waist tightly and pulled her closer. She swiped her tongue against his bottom lip.

“You know, I can wait to call everyone.” She whispered, her voice low.

“Good idea.”

“Gotta make good use of this outfit first.” Her eyes were dark with desire. “I’m gonna be Mrs. Claus, after all.”

“God, I love you so much.” He chuckled moving his kisses to her neck.

He could have proposed in a fancy, flashy way. He could have had it written out in the sky. He could have proclaimed it loudly in front of crowds of people. He could have tried to make it ‘not him’.

But truly, nothing beat asking Anna to marry him when she was wearing nothing but a skimpy bit of see-through fabric and a Santa hat while they were at home. There were some immediate perks that he certainly enjoyed.

#santa baby #I guess i'm kinda doing a kristanna advent thing this year #this setting is so ridiculous but i'm so happy I wrote it #kristanna fanfiction #frozen fanfiction

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elopez7228 · 4 years ago

Text

Scenic Route 25/47

Read on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/18268208/chapters/43229774

Start over : https://elopez7228.tumblr.com/post/620919089893933056/scenic-route-0147

***

Maz and Rey stayed at the Motel-6 on Weat Drive in Helena, which provided twin rooms—with matching twin beds. It was a well-kept yet charmless establishment, built in the image of the city itself. Helena’s wide avenues and stocky skyline formed a neat grid around major routes running north-south and east-west.

The surrounding countryside was verdant, but Rey found the architecture quite different, typical of cities that experienced long winters: raised sidewalks, thick walls and closed windows. But the spirit of the Far West was palpable in Montana, from the wood-plank porches and cowboy hats to the cattle breeders and the constant presence of horses. But there was a certain culture clash as one moved north, to the heartland comprised of oil wells, massive trucks, leather and furs.

The atmosphere was gloomy; this morning’s enthusiasm that had accompanied their gargantuan brunch and a swim in the river, had diminished considerably. Running into Syed had cast a dark shadow over Rey’s mood, her feelings no less tumultuous than before. Was she mad at Ben Solo? Did she want keep flirting with him this morning? They did have an undeniable attraction. Truthfully, she hadn’t stopped thinking about him, not for a moment, since she their paths crossed on her first day in America. How annoying. She would gladly have spent an hour without thinking of him, honestly. She would have wanted to think of herself, or Finn or Poe, to blame Leia Skywalker for her troubles or to conquer the world with Maz. But alas, here she was, fretting over Ben Solo.

Wasn’t she furious at him? The indecision was killing her inside. She would go to the concert the next day, but it would require an explanation, a face to face. She would have to look him in the eyes and give him an ultimatum that would determine their relationship: to end it here and now, or to give him a chance to make amends.

Maz accompanied her to the Museum of the Rockies, where they admired dinosaur fossils and mannequins dressed in pilgrim garb. They passed a large fresco of fur trappers depicting the conquest of the New World. Maz tried to relax the atmosphere by explaining the history behind various exhibits, but Rey was miles away. Her mind was elsewhere.

The evening is unrolled without their joyful laughter, without luster. The weight of Maz’s upcoming departure and Rey’s relationship woes weighed heavily on their shoulders.

Maz had a certain rendezvous to attend in the Holliday Inn parking at 8 AM, off l-90 West. After a quick breakfast at Starbucks, Rey and Maz said farewell. Rey’s eyes shone a bit much at the thought that she was being abandoned yet again.

Or was it just her again, getting attached too quickly? It was obvious from the moment the strange little woman banged against her car window that their time together was limited. This separation was inevitable—Maz headed due north and Rey due west. And she had to go home eventually, on the other side of the Atlantic, in a week.

They exchanged numbers and emails, but Maz evaded social media, and Rey limited herself to Instagram and Facebook. Maz hugged Rey thoroughly, thanking her for everything.

“Have a good trip, my adventurous girl. Remember: listen to your heart, dare to say no, and take your time. You know what it is that you want and what you’re willing to accept—you know your limits. Now, go practice what you preach!”

Rey was hardly as calm as the older woman. Coming from Maz’s mouth, everything seemed so simple. In her head, it was all so complicated. But she promised to remember this, and to do her best.

When they parted, Maz boarded a large van with three other hitchhikers as she went on her merry way.

It was still morning and Rey and BB8 had an entire day to fill. In light of the shift in schedule, she had time to call England.

The conversation with Poe was calm, almost banal. Finn was still on life support, Poe himself visited the hospital daily. His swollen eye had deflated a little, his facial wounds had healed somewhat and would leave almost no scars. Yes, he would call Rey if there was a development, any time of day or night, be the news good, bad, or ugly. She hung up and dialed Jessika afterwards.

“Where were you girl?” Jessika said by way of hello, and Rey smiled, touched by her friend’s playful jab.

“On the road. I drove a couple thousand kilometers. How’s the house?”

“Well, I finished putting together your flat. You promised to call me regularly, don’t you remember?”

“I was going to,” Rey tried to assure her.

She wasn’t sure how often she could handle calling Jessika. She had needed time for introspection, to think through her troubles alone. Talking to Jessica, even though it was fun, inevitably reminded her of her old self. The girl who was going to marry Finn and who let others live her life in her stead.

“Liar,” declared Jessica, and Rey laughed at the fact that her friend knew her well.

“No it's true. I'll call you when I get better, otherwise it's going to be quite a while,” she amended.

“What do you mean , "when I get better?" What’s wrong? Are you in trouble?”

Jess sounded sincerely worried. Rey took a deep breath...where did she leave off in her grand adventure?

“Do you remember Ben Solo?”

“The guy who did n't sleep with you ? OH. MY. GOD. Did you sleep with him ?!”

Rey’s lips split into a wicked grin. She was thoroughly enjoying her friend’s reaction. It was like an intravenous dose of endorphins. Why had she thought that that it would complicate her life?

“No,” she answered finally. “No we didn't sleep together. I mean we almost did. But not quite.”

“What do you mean? Was it just oral but no penetration?”

Straight to the point, Rey chuckled.

"Oh come on, we just kissed a little bit. Okay, kissed a lot. We did nothing, really. We stopped when...you know, they called about Finn...”

It was as though she had just thrown a bucket of cold water on the conversation. Jessika took a moment to answer.

“Yes, I know. It’s excruciating. I was furious! I was furious at him and now I’m furious at everyone except him. How are you holding up?”

“Same as you. My anger is gone. I reassure myself by thinking that Poe stays close to him these days.”

“He does a great job, you know. He comes by an hour a day to sit at his bedside, he talks to him, he reads to him and recounts the adventures you have on your trip, Rey...”

Rey was silent. She knew where Jess was going with this.

“Rey, they’re really in love. I’m sorry to have you say it so bluntly when I’d promised to kick them out of our lives and curse their names forever. You have to look at the bigger picture. Poe is now a shadow of his former self after what happened to Finn.”

“I know.”

“You know? Aren't you angry?”

Rey smiled mournfully. As incredible as it sounded, she was not angry. She was unhappy and worried, a little bit resentful—but in a normal way—very lonely, and a little lost, but she was no longer angry.

“No...I’m just sorry I couldn’t be there to support my best friend, this potato of a man that chose his best friend over me, but I don’t want him anymore. We wouldn't have been happy, as it was. He did what he had to do.”

Jessika was silent for a long time before she finally found her voice.

“Who are you madam, and what have you done with Rey?”

“No, I’m serious,” insisted Rey, amid a fit of giggles, “it's really me! I’ve been through all sorts of ridiculousness, I almost got eaten by a bear, and I have a spy from the KGB on my arse...I ended up cancelling my own wedding because my groom was gay from day one. It’s like my life can never be boring!”

"Sounds like you have much too many things to tell me,” Jessika retorted, “Start from the beginning.”

They stayed on the phone for almost an hour. Rey thought for a moment about the price that such a lengthy call would cost, but hell, she wasn’t in the mood to care. She had needed to say it out loud, to put actual words to her thoughts and her feelings and to right the chaos in her brain.

When she hung up, she felt reinvigorated. Maz’s departure stung less, the loneliness appeared less unbearable. On the downside, she hadn’t yet faced her demons regarding her relationship with one Ben Solo...

Jessika said she had to bed him now (of course). But Rey was no longer taking orders. She had to listen to her heart.

The problem was that she didn't understand what her heart was telling her.

She chose to spend the morning at Arby’s (a stereotypical western fast food restaurant with a massive cowboy hat logo) which specialized in gigantic hamburgers topped with slices of...candied bacon? The local gastronomy never ceased to surprise her. In any case, it had free WiFi and a place to plug in her smartphone.

What was she going to do with her day?

She clicked on Kylo Ren's number.

Damn, she had thought "Kylo Ren", not "Ben Solo". Should she interpret this as some kind of sign?

* good morning Ren, I'm coming tonight. We need to talk. *

Of course, every man knew "we have to talk" was never a good omen. She wanted to hear about Syed (especially why it was necessary for her to follow Rey without consent) and about the nature of their relationship. To Rey’s knowledge, he was neither her father nor her husband. Then he had better have a good explanation. But this wouldn’t be a text message conversation. She wanted to look him in the eyes.

She waited in vain for a response that did had not arrive. Browsing Google Maps, she explored the area around Bozeman and compared the prices of hotels and the campsites. She barely managed not to spit out her coffee. Seven Hells! The proximity to Yellowstone, and thus the certainty of being full in July, had pushed the average rates around the park to a staggering 250 dollars per night for a single motel room. It was beyond conceivable! She looked at the campsites, but like the hotels, they were fully booked.

Finally, by calling Canyon Campground, which was more than thirty kilometers from Bozeman, she managed to book a place for the night for just below fifty dollars. The price reflected the fact that they had no available power stations, but she didn’t mind—all she wanted was an area flat enough to pitch her tent without risking another round with the grizzlies.

Her smartphone vibrated.

* Good morning Rey. I wouldn’t come if I were you. This one is going to be mediocre. Maybe some other time? *

Rey felt herself fuming.

Was he trying to run away? Well, not if she had her way.

She typed a message, then erased it. And again, and yet again. Finally, she sent no response, put her phone away, finished her coffee and left the establishment.

She was going to play fetch with BB8, it would calm her down.

And this evening, she would see Kylo Ren, look him directly in the eyes. She would wait for the end of the concert, and they were going to have a discussion. He wasn’t getting away with this!

Kylo had been in a bad mood all day, even as he helped with the installation process at the Bozeman concert venue.

Rey wanted to come this evening and he had to stop her. Syed was capable of everything under the sun, and the worst part was that he had no idea of what she was up to. She had returned his jacket and taken her orders from Hux and Snoke instead. But what orders? Something was brewing, he was sure. He was in absolutely no mood to give a damn concert, and had found himself strangely relieved when Snoke announced the cancellation of the tour. Fine. Off with the masks...he had to keep his head clear to be prepared for any scenario that high command had in mind. Snoke’s mind was twisted. It was wild, fatal, and unpredictable. He would do well to keep his weapon within reach...he had to make the first move, finding her, cornering her, and talking her out of getting involved. But where was she?

With the amount of tension and distrust in the air, it would have been better not to go through with the concert. And yet, it made for an easy cover. Naturally, Syed would not strike from the stage, it would be far too visible. That would leave her with the opening crowd and the stragglers.

Adding Rey to this equation was the worst part. She was going to find herself in the middle of a crossfire that wouldn’t leave anyone unscathed.

His heart beat faster at the mere idea of Rey taking such a risk. And what if Syed took advantage of Rey’s presence to reach him?

He would kill her for that if she tried, with his own two hands.

Around him, the Knights of Ren were quietly working on mounting the lights. He could hear their laughter in the distance in his mind, although they were only standing a few paces away. It would be a good idea to talk to them. But it would also be an admission of weakness; was a team of five people not enough to take on Syed Ren alone? No. He was going to face her fury himself.

The more the clock turned, the more the atmosphere seemed heavy. It was time to end this, once and for all.

#Reylo #Fanfiction #Scenic Route #Modern AU

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zen3to5 · 5 years ago

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J/H 4-15: Tornado Prom

Thank you to Fan Forum's SpacemanDoug for help with tracking down the music used in this episode.

FF.Net AO3

---

SHOW TITLE EXT. FORMAN DRIVEWAY - DAY It’s January – not that you would know it from the weather. No snow on the ground, the leaves on the bushes look alive, and JACKIE, FEZ, DONNA, ERIC, and HYDE, gathered around the Vista Cruiser, don’t even have jackets on. KELSO comes running through the garage to join them, dressed in athletic wear – including short shorts. KELSO: Hey, guys. It is literally a million degrees out. I’m wearing shorts in January! Have you ever seen prettier legs on a fella? He holds one out to show it off. KELSO (cont’d): It’s too bad they’ll be covered up when I’m struttin’ my stuff as the Snow King at the Snow Prom tomorrow. Me, Snow King. Doesn’t it kick ass? That campaign writing my name all over the place really paid off. ERIC: Kelso, you peed in the snow. KELSO: In cursive! It was awesome. JACKIE: I can’t believe you were chosen as Snow King and I wasn’t chosen to be Snow Queen. ERIC: Oh, you mean, the funniest thing ever? The others chuckle as Jackie sneers. JACKIE: Guys, this is serious. I used to be a rich, popular girl. But now that my dad’s cut me off, I’m not rich, and apparently, I’m also not popular. I’m nothing! (to Donna) Donna, how do you live like this? DONNA: Well, maybe you should spend less time worrying about being popular and more time being a good person. JACKIE: Donna, everyone knows that the way to tell if you’re a good person is when everyone likes you. And you know everyone likes you when you win titles like Snow Queen. She turns her nose up and walks away, Kelso in tow. The remaining gang move in closer together. DONNA: Hey, you know what? We should all go to Snow Prom together, in one car. All of us hanging out, laughing, driving – woo-hoo! Good times. ERIC: You need a ride, don’t you? DONNA: I so do. Pick me up at the radio station. She walks off, and the guys shrug. HYDE: All right. We’ll all go together. ERIC: Whoa, whoa. Hyde, you’re going to a school dance? You’re gonna stink bomb the teacher’s lounge, aren’t you? I want in! HYDE: No, man, kid stuff. See, during the dance, I’m going to throw a party in Coach Ferguson’s office. I’m bringing my best stuff. FEZ: A party with your best stuff? Are you saying what I think you’re saying? HYDE: You know it. FEZ: Oh, boy, you have a pinata? He gets giddy. Eric and Hyde shake their heads. CUT TO: INT. SCHOOL - EVENING The next night – Snow Prom. At the end of a lightly-decorated hallway, some kids catch a breather from the dance. Fez and BIG RHONDA chat with one group, while Jackie and Kelso – with crown, fur-trimmed flowing robe, and scepter – chat up another. Hyde and Eric stand apart near the center of the hall. ERIC: It’s weird. I feel like I’m forgetting something. I’ve got my watch, my wallet, my who-am-I-kidding condom... HYDE: Yeah, sounds like you got everything, except for a tall redhead. ERIC: Yeah. What man doesn’t love a tall red – oh, my God, Donna! I forgot Donna! He leaves behind a snickering Hyde as he races for the exit.

MAIN CREDITS BUMPER INT. SCHOOL - EVENING Moments later. “Take a Chance on Me” by ABBA blares through the halls. Kelso is now on parade, strutting up and down the halls, showing off his regalia. Jackie and Hyde watch from a few feet back, Jackie incensed and Hyde bored. A hand claps onto Hyde’s shoulder. He turns around to see COACH FERGUSON, dance chaperone, with a terrible suit and an ugly frown. FERGUSON: Mr. Hyde? In school after hours? What, are you trying to establish an alibi? Hyde straightens himself up and grins. HYDE: Coach Ferguson. Shouldn’t you be on the football field, teaching boys to play with balls? Coach Ferguson puts a warning finger in Hyde’s face. FERGUSON: Don’t push my buttons, wiseacre. He waves his clipboard in Hyde’s face before slinking off. He narrowly avoids a collision with Kelso, who is attempting spin tricks with his scepter, to partial success. JACKIE: (to Hyde) How could I not make Snow Queen when Michael made Snow King? There had to be a mistake. It was fixed. Steven, what should I do? HYDE: Who cares? Jackie, popularity contests like that are pointless. I mean, look at Kelso. All being Snow King means is that he’s running around in a stupid hat and robe. JACKIE: Exactly! I mean, am I not pretty enough? Am I not cool enough? What did I need to do? HYDE: (pretends to think) All right, I got something. While Coach Ferguson’s walking the floor, you can help me fumigate his office. Jackie crosses her arms and tries to look upset, but soon shrugs and follows behind Hyde as he slips down the hall. Kelso marches in place for the benefit of a modest crowd, pumping his scepter up and down. A TEACHER, another chaperone, enters from the gym and crosses to Kelso. TEACHER: I have a serious announcement. A tornado warning has just been issued. I’m told it’s code red. I don’t know the codes, but that sounds serious. (to Kelso) Michael, as Snow King, I need you to help spread the word. Get everybody into the gym. He hurries off. Kelso grins, punches the air; he’s excited for the responsibility. He stands up tall and sweeps his arms across the room for attention. KELSO: All right, everyone! Everyone, follow me! He marches confidently to the nearest door, throws it open... and reveals a sports closet full of different sorts of balls that all come tumbling out. KELSO (cont’d): Remain calm, people! These are just sports balls! Everyone grab a ball! He passes his scepter to the nearest kid and starts gathering balls. CUT TO: EXT. ROAD – NIGHT The faint light of evening, a blanket of clouds over the sky. Eric is behind the wheel of the Vista Cruiser. He pops an eight-track tape in and begins to head-bang to “Ridin’ the Storm Out” by REO Speedwagon. ERIC: All right. He keeps on jamming, not noticing at all the TORNADO that touches down behind him and moves across the road. Even over the music, Eric does hear the howling of the wind, but by the time he flips the tape off and looks behind him, the tornado has passed. Shrugging, he turns the tape back on and keeps rocking out, just in time for the tornado to move behind his car again. BUMPER INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - EVENING For once, the adults have the basement to themselves. RED sits in Hyde’s usual chair, BOB and JOANNE share the couch, and KITTY hurries down the stairs with a snack tray full of sandwiches. KITTY: Now, I’m just so worried about Eric. A tornado in January? RED: Yeah, life’s full of surprises. Like these two, showing up ‘cause they don’t have a basement. He glares at Bob and Joanne, even as they take sandwiches from Kitty’s tray and Kitty joins them on the couch. RED (cont’d): Surprise. JOANNE: Gee, Red, you seem grouchy. Surprise. KITTY: Red, if Eric gets caught in a tornado, he’ll get blown to Canada. He’s very light. RED: Kitty, the gym is the town’s bomb shelter. He’ll be fine. I just hope he’s not crying. Everybody knows he’s my kid. KITTY: Okay, you’re right. Eric’s fine. Let’s just talk about something else. (laughs) Everyone considers an appropriate topic. BOB: Ooh! You know, Joanne taught me a lot about lady orgasms. They’ve been around longer than I thought. Red glares at Bob, and Joanne and Kitty share a look. KITTY: (beat) Okay, so talking’s bad. I know, charades! Bob and Joanne seem agreeable, but Red stands and heads for the stairs. RED: No, thanks. JOANNE: What are you, chicken? RED: (beat) Did you just call me chicken? Joanne just gives him a challenging look. RED (cont’d): That’s it. Move the couch, Kitty. She’s going down. He rubs his hands together as the others hop off the couch. CUT TO: INT. FERGUSON’S OFFICE – NIGHT Evening’s given way to night by now; if not for the light of the hall coming in through the glass, the office would be black. Appropriately for a coach’s office, sports equipment takes up more space than papers or books. The door silently opens. Hyde and Jackie make their way inside. Hyde passes a bobby pin back to Jackie, who replaces it in her hair. She shuts the door behind them; Hyde immediately goes to the desk, sits down, and props his feet up. HYDE: Oh, yeah. Jackie pulls up a chair beside him. Hyde takes out his lighter and flicks it on. The door swings open again. Coach Ferguson hits the lights as he enters. FERGUSON: Busted, hophead. Jackie jumps to her feet and moves behind Hyde’s chair; Hyde remains where he is, only acknowledging the coach’s arrival by shutting his lighter. BUMPER INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT Make-out stairwell – the designated spot for the couples of the Snow Prom to fool around. The lights are even off. From top to bottom, the staircase is full, with Fez and Rhonda smooching near the base of the stairs. The door opens. Kelso enters and hits the lights. KELSO: People of the make-out stairwell, this is your Snow King speaking. FEZ: Boo! Hit the lights, fool! No one else speaks up, or even looks up from their making out. KELSO: No, there’s a tornado. Everyone, go to the gym. The Snow King has spoken! Still no urgency; people start throwing things at Kelso, who steps back into the hall. KELSO (cont’d): All right, that’s gross. Who threw the retainer? He doesn’t wait for an answer but exits. No one else even moves from their position on the stairs. Rhonda, at least, seems worried. She pulls Fez into an embrace. RHONDA: Oh, my God, Fez! A tornado? This changes everything! This could be our last night here on Earth! FEZ: Oh, no. I’m going to die a virgin. Rhonda pulls back from their hug, holds him at arms’ length. RHONDA: Not if I have anything to say about it. FEZ: You can talk all you want, but there’s a tornado coming! RHONDA: Fez, I mean, let’s do it. FEZ: (beat) It? (Rhonda nods) “It” it? (She nods again) All right! He jumps to his feet, makes it halfway under the staircase, then doubles back to grab Rhonda’s hand. FEZ (cont’d): I’m going to need you. He grabs his jacket in the other hand, and they hurry off. CUT TO: INT. RADIO STATION – NIGHT An almost-empty control room. Donna, dressed for the dance, sits at the desk. She jumps to her feet as Eric enters. DONNA: Eric, you’re here! ERIC: Donna, look, I’m sorry I’m late, and I really did want to pick you up before the dance, so it’s no big deal, really. DONNA: No big deal? It’s a huge deal. I was in the back, filing records, and suddenly everyone was gone, and I was stuck here alone. And you risked the tornado for me. She gives him a big hug. ERIC: (beat) Tornado? What tornado... could stop me from helping you? (beat) So, tell me, um, is the tornado, like, um... (voice breaking) Like, out there? DONNA: Yeah. They say it’s a biggie. ERIC: (voice breaking) Oh. DONNA: Eric, are you okay? ERIC: (Beat) Sure. Uh, it’s just that now that I know you’re okay... I can finally start worrying about me. He starts to fidget with his suit. ERIC (cont’d): And, see, the thing about me is... The lights cut out. The control room goes black. ERIC (cont’d): (whimpering) I don’t wanna die! FADE TO BLACK COMMERCIAL BUMPER INT. RADIO STATION - NIGHT It’s no longer completely black; a few candles have been found. They’re set out on the table as Donna and Eric sit across from one another. ERIC: So, what to do? Let’s see... there’s you, there’s me, candlelight... You know, back in the old days, we would have - DONNA: We’re not doing that. ERIC: Uh-huh, yeah, yeah. So quick to dismiss the thing you once ached for. DONNA: You mean cheese sticks? ERIC: If you want to call it that, sure. CUT TO: INT. FORMAN BASEMENT – NIGHT Charades under way. Hyde’s chair has been pushed back to make space. Red’s moved to the lawn chair. Bob and Joanne are still on the couch, Joanne now with pen and pencil handy and Bob with a timer. Kitty is up, shaking her hips around wildly. RED: (guessing) Er, uh... gyrating. Uh, twisting. Uh... hips! You make me feel like hips! Kitty is too incredulous to go on. Not that it matters: BOB: Hah! Time! (indicates Joanne) We win. KITTY: (to Red) I was dancing! “You Make Me Feel Like Hips?” RED: (beat) It could have been a song. JOANNE: Is it hard to lose, Red? ‘Cause you make it look so easy. Red just gives her a dirty look. BUMPER INT. FERGUSON’S OFFICE – NIGHT Everyone is on their feet. Hyde and Jackie stand on one side of the desk while Coach Ferguson leans over the other. FERGUSON: You two are in big trouble. HYDE: This calls for a suspension. I need a vacation. JACKIE: No, I cannot get suspended. Losing Snow Queen was bad enough, but if I get suspended, I won’t even get a “most likely to” caption in the yearbook! FERGUSON: Zip it, missy. You’re lucky I don’t paddle you. Jackie takes a step back, and Hyde moves between her and the coach. HYDE: Hey. If we’re talking that kind of punishment, I’m happy to help dish it out. He chuckles, Ferguson scowls, and Jackie slaps Hyde in the arm. Kelso enters, still in full regalia. KELSO: A tornado’s coming. It’s code red. All of Coach Ferguson’s bluster vanishes. He clutches at his tie, seems to shrink down. FERGUSON: A tornado? Deadly spirals of wind really freak me out. HYDE: All right, Coach Girlie. Calm down. FERGUSON: I can’t die yet! There’s so much I haven’t experienced! HYDE: (grinning) I bet I know one thing you haven’t experienced. CUT TO: THE CIRCLE. Coach Ferguson has become much more chill about the situation. “Feels like the First Time” by Foreigner plays on his record player. FERGUSON: Tornadoes get a bad rap, man. It’s not like The Wizard of Oz. I mean, where are the midgets? I bet I could bench, like, ten midgets. Pan to Hyde, rifling through a box. HYDE: (to Ferguson) Hey, look at all the stuff you confiscated. (holds up switchblade) Mine. (holds up air horn) Mine. (holds up sexy calendar) Ooh-la-la, mine now. Pan to Jackie, who’s taken a squirt gun from the box. JACKIE: Why am I not Snow Queen? For the last two weeks, I was nice to everybody. Well, maybe not the A.V. Club, but I mean, come on! Pan to Kelso. KELSO: Jackie, you can’t just be nice for two weeks. You have to be nice all the time. Or very handsome. Oh, my banana nose! (takes from the box, puts it on) Oh, I thought this was gone forever. Ha, it’s still funny! Pan to Ferguson. FERGUSON: (chuckles) Hey, Hyde, when this is all over, you think we’ll still be friends? Pan to Hyde. HYDE: Well, my head says no, but my heart says no. So, no. (to Jackie & Kelso) I wonder what Donna and Forman are doing right now? CUT TO: INT. RADIO STATION – NIGHT ANOTHER CIRCLE. “Still the One” by Orleans fills the station. Donna’s got the giggles. DONNA: This is the best tornado ever. Pan to Eric. ERIC: I know! And who better to be stuck here with than America’s most beloved rock band - ladies and gentlemen, Aerosmith! Pan to a cardboard cutout of Steven Tyler. Eric reaches over to shake it. ERIC (v.o.): (doing Tyler) Hey, as rock legends, we’ve had some pretty good times. But it doesn’t get any better than this. Hello, Wisconsin! Pan to a cardboard cutout of Joe Perry. ERIC (v.o.): Yeah, I dig this joint too. Hello, Wisconsin. Pan to Donna. DONNA: (to Eric) That was your Aerosmith? You’re bad at that. Steven Tyler is way cooler, and Joe Perry is so dreamy. God, you’re bad at that! Pan to Eric. ERIC: What? That was dead-on! Right, guys? Pan to Tyler’s cutout, which now boasts a working mouth. TYLER (Eric’s v.o.): I bought it. Pan to Perry’s cutout, also with a mouth. PERRY (Eric’s v.o.): You, uh, really think I’m dreamy? It winks. Pan to a dumbfounded Donna. DONNA: Whoa. The station manager’s stuff is way better than ours. Pan to Eric. ERIC: Hey, I wonder what Hyde and the gang are doing right now? CUT TO: INT. FERGUSON’S OFFICE – NIGHT The Circle is still going strong. Jackie is using her squirt gun to squirt water into her mouth. JACKIE: You know, I wish tornadoes did work like The Wizard of Oz. I could ride this one out to see the Wizard, and maybe then I’d understand what’s going on. She looks up, and we fade to: EXT. YELLOW BRICK ROAD – DAY FANTASY SEQUENCE. The Yellow Brick Road in the Land of Oz, just different enough from the movie to dodge a lawsuit. Jackie, as Dorothy, walks down the road and through the field of poppies, with a stuffed unicorn tucked under her arm as TOTO. Kelso, as the Scarecrow, staggers out from the fields. KELSO: Jackie, why’d you make me the Scarecrow? He needs a brain. JACKIE: No, no. I made you the Scarecrow... because you love chasing birds. KELSO: (beat) I do love chasing birds. JACKIE: Okay! They link arms and continue down the road, until they’re stopped by Hyde as the Tin Man. HYDE: Is this some kind of joke? ‘Cause I’m not laughing. (looks Kelso over) Kelso’s the Scarecrow? (laughs) Jackie links arms with him, and the three of them continue down the road until they’re stopped by Fez as the Cowardly Lion. FEZ: Look, guys! I’m a bear. JACKIE: Fez, you’re the Cowardly Lion. FEZ: But I want to be a bear. KELSO: At least you got a brain. HYDE: This sucks. JACKIE: Oh, will everyone just shut up? You can be whatever you want when it’s your trip. FEZ: (under his breath) I want to be a bear. He joins the link, and they continue up the road until they’re stopped by Donna as the Wicked Witch of the West. DONNA: Jackie, what the hell? Eric, as a flying monkey, hops out of the fields and laughs at Donna. ERIC: She totally made you a witch. That’s so awesome! DONNA: She made you a flying monkey. ERIC: What? He stands up straight, looks himself over. ERIC (cont’d): Oh, crap. DONNA: (points at Jackie) Let’s kick her ass! ERIC: Yeah! The Scarecrow, Tin Man, and Lion all break the link and turn on Jackie. Screaming, she runs down the road, the others in pursuit. CUT TO: INT. THRONE ROOM – DAY Jackie has reached the Wizard’s lair in the Emerald City, alone. The giant, floating green head of Red as the Wizard is before her, while Kitty, as Glinda the Good, stands next to her. RED: (to Jackie) Is this because I’m bald? That hurts. KITTY: Oh, relax, Red, it isn’t just because you’re bald. It’s also because you’re grouchy. (laughs, turns to Jackie) And thank you, dear, I’m flattered. She indicates her dress. Jackie looks up at Red. JACKIE: Mr. Wizard, I’m confused. I lost Snow Queen, and I don’t understand why. RED: Who cares? The gang, still in their Oz personas, enter. HYDE: (to Jackie) Told ya. RED: (to Jackie) You have a roof over your head, an American flag flying over your yard, and your crook father has the greasiest palms in the whole damn town. You need some dumb high school title like I need a kick in the ass. Kitty glances nervously at Red, then puts a hand on Jackie’s shoulder. KITTY: And you also have friends who love you no matter what, and that’s so much more important than winning a silly popularity contest. And besides, honey, it’s not like you don’t have another shot at it. You’re only a sophomore! (laughs) JACKIE: You’re right, Miss Glinda! I will have another shot! And now I have a whole year to campaign! RED: (to the gang) She didn’t take in a word I said. DONNA: Yeah, that happens a lot. Those words echo as Jackie gives Kitty a hug, and we cut to: INT. FERGUSON’S OFFICE – NIGHT Back to reality. Jackie’s head bobs, her mouth in a contented grin. Pan to Kelso, still in banana nose, staring at Jackie. Pan to Coach Ferguson, jaw slack, staring at Jackie. Pan to Hyde, snickering and nodding approvingly at Jackie. HYDE: Congratulations, Jackie. You may not have won Snow Queen, but with that vivid and mildly insulting hallucination, you just took the title “Queen Mary Jane.” He offers his hand, and Jackie’s reaches over to give him a high-five. BUMPER INT. STAIRWELL – NIGHT Another stairwell. Fez and Rhonda, still looking for a spot to do it, come onto the mid-landing. FEZ: Ah, our own private stairwell. (to Rhonda) This is exactly how I pictured losing my virginity. Except it was on a bed of flowers and there were two of you. He begins unbuttoning his shirt, and Rhonda slips off her corsage. They don’t get too far, however, before the teacher comes down the stairs behind them. TEACHER: Tornado passed through, is heading to Illinois. Kiss my ass, Chicago! He heads right back up the stairs. Fez keeps undressing, pulling his shirt off once it’s fully opened, but Rhonda staggers down the stairs. RHONDA: Oh, my God! We’re safe. Sex just doesn’t seem important anymore! Fez hurries after her. FEZ: I... I disagree. And – and here’s why - RHONDA: Let’s go celebrate with everyone! She snorts, heads down the stairs, and exits the stairwell. Fez throws his head to the sky. FEZ: Oh, you can make a tornado, but you can’t let me do it? Oh, you are not a just God! CUT TO: INT. FERGUSON’S OFFICE - NIGHT Post-Circle. Hyde has his feet up on the desk, Coach Ferguson is still lit, Kelso packs the contraband box back up, and Jackie is asleep. The teacher opens the door, sticks his head in. TEACHER: Tornado’s passed us over. All clear. Ferguson rises, follows him out. Kelso stands, hands the box to Hyde, who takes a permanent marker from it. HYDE: Well, I lived my dream. Let’s go. KELSO: Wait. We can’t just leave Jackie here like that. HYDE: You’re right. He bends over and draws a unibrow onto her forehead. HYDE (cont’d): Okay, we’re good. He and Kelso grin and head out. CUT TO: INT. FORMAN BASEMENT - NIGHT The game’s changed. Red is back in Hyde’s chair, and the others share the couch, as Monopoly is laid out on the coffee table. Red shakes the dice in his hand. RED: Okay. No six. No six. And... (rolls) Six! Joanne and Bob both start to laugh. Joanne even moves the Forman’s piece for them. BOB: (to Red) Park Place. Pay up. He doesn’t even wait for Red, just snatches the money from their stack. KITTY: (to Red) I told you we shouldn’t spend all our money on Marvin Gardens. RED: Oh, and Baltic Avenue was such a help. KITTY: I bought that with my beauty contest winnings! JOANNE: Poor Red, losing again. While we have this large housing development that I like to call Joanne Land. Where’s Red Land? She mimes searching for Red Land as Bob chuckles. RED: I’ll tell you where it is. It’s right up your - KITTY: Wait, wait, wait. She shushes everyone and gestures to the TV. Bob turns the volume up. REPORTER (v.o.): This just in. The National Weather Service has canceled the tornado warning. And updating our top story, a local teen is in critical condition... Bob and Joanne both breathe sighs of relief. Red and Kitty look to one another. Red quickly folds up the board game, and he and Kitty both stand. KITTY: Oh, game over. Call it a tie. BOB: A tie? We had all the money. RED: So? We had the get-out-of-jail-free card. And you can’t put a price on freedom. He heads up the stairs. KITTY: (to Bob & Joanne) Night-night. She follows after Red as Bob and Joanne shake their heads. BUMPER INT. RADIO STATION - NIGHT The power is back on. Donna moves through the control room, extinguishing candles, while Eric sits on the table. DONNA: This was fun. We haven’t just hung out in, like, forever. Plus, you’re, like, my hero. Most guys would not risk a tornado for an ex-girlfriend. ERIC: Yeah. He and Donna both chuckle. Eric stands, crosses over to Donna. He pulls her in close and kisses her. After a moment’s hesitation, she returns the kiss. They break apart. DONNA: Wow. ERIC: Yeah, well, I just wanted to kiss you... before you found out that I went to the dance, forgot you, and I didn’t know about the tornado. Okay, this was swell. He walks away toward the door. Donna follows, jaw hanging. DONNA: Wait, wait, wait. So, you forgot me? ERIC: (beat) Okay, you’re mad. DONNA: (beat) Actually, no. I mean, if we were still dating, I’d be super pissed. But we’re not, so it’s kind of funny. ERIC: You know what? Let me buy you a burger. Donna gathers her purse. DONNA: I can’t believe you totally snaked a kiss under false pretenses. ERIC: Yeah, I’m a little proud of that, yeah. He gathers his coat, and off they go. FADE TO BLACK CREDITS INT. SCHOOL - NIGHT The dance is back underway. Hyde, Kelso, Jackie, Fez, and Rhonda all stand together in a circle, chatting. TWO GIRLS come up behind Jackie and tap her on the shoulder. GIRL 1: Hey, Jackie, we heard you were part of the party that crashed Coach F’s office? Nice. Jackie turns around, smiles at them. Their eyes flick up to her marker unibrow, and they walk away laughing. Jackie turns back to the group. JACKIE: People have been doing that all night. I think I’m a shoo-in for next year! Beaming, she heads into the bathroom. Hyde takes a step apart from the group to look them over. HYDE: We all ready? Kelso’s barely choking down a laugh. KELSO: Yeah. Jackie’s scream pierces through the bathroom door. The gang take off down the hallway, Kelso leading the way with his scepter held high. END.

#z's fics #that 70s show #zenmasters #jackie x hyde #zen3to5 #fan fiction #fan art

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artificialqueens · 5 years ago

Text

nobody knows where we might end up, chapter nine (branjie) - holtzmanns

(read on ao3) | (tumblr) | word count: 4417

AN: Thank you for all the wonderful feedback on the last chapter! I appreciate it so, so, much, comments make my heart incredibly full. Thank you writ for being a wonderful beta as always <3

(then)

“Gonna miss you.” Vanessa’s voice is soft from where her head is resting on Brooke’s lap, and it makes Brooke absolutely melt.

“I’m gonna miss you too, Ness.” Brooke runs her fingers through Vanessa’s hair, an action that makes Vanessa snuggle into her and let out a contented sigh. She wishes that she didn’t have to let her go.

“Just a long weekend, though. Then you’ll be back.” Vanessa beams up at her. “I’m excited for it already.”

Brooke can’t help but grin back, because Vanessa’s smile remains the cutest thing in the world to her. “You sap. Me neither. My cousin’s wedding will be over and done with before we know it.”

“Send me hot pictures of you in your fancy dress for the wedding.”

Brooke wrinkles her nose. “Are you kidding? My mom’s probably picked something out already that’ll be appropriate for a church wedding. It’s not going to be hot in the least.”

“You’re always hot to me. Even in your little church dress.” Vanessa wiggles her eyebrows at her and Brooke can’t help but poke her shoulder.

“Shut up.”

Vanessa sticks her tongue out at her. “Make me.”

“Have you forgotten I know exactly where you’re ticklish?” Vanessa’s off of Brooke’s lap the second that the words leave her lips.

“Don’t you even think about it!” Vanessa shrieks and moves to Detox’s side of the room, flopping onto her bed.

Brooke rolls off of her bed too, wrapping Vanessa in a hug instead. “I won’t use my powers for evil for now, at least.”

Vanessa pouts up at her from her position. “I still can’t believe you don’t get ticklish.”

“My superpower.” Brooke grins, though it quickly turns into a frown when her alarm clock goes. “Shit. That was the alarm I set to catch my bus.”

Vanessa’s arms tighten around her waist. “Don’t leave.”

“I wish you could come with me, somehow.” Brooke sighs, hugging Vanessa tighter too. Vanessa’s so good at calming her down by just being in her presence, making her feel like things are going to always be okay.

“Me too. Shut that damn beeping off, though.” Vanessa’s voice is muffled into her sweater, face buried in the hug, and Brooke snorts. She lets go, tugs Vanessa along so she can turn off the alarm on her bedside table.

“I gotta go.”

Vanessa stretches on her tiptoes, kisses her. “Don’t miss me too much.”

Brooke snorts. “Please. You’ll miss me more.” Though she can’t deny that she will, even if it’s just for four days. God, they’re already too codependent on each other. Brooke would consider it a problem if she didn’t enjoy it so much.

The bus ride is simultaneously too long and not long enough, knowing that the destination is just bringing her closer to the weekend. Brooke wishes she could just fast forward to Monday, when she’s going to be back at uni and back in her dorm. With Vanessa, with the rest of their friends.

She stumbles off of the bus with suitcase in tow, intent on walking the rest of the way home. She hadn’t wanted to ask anyone from her family to pick her up - it would just have been an awkward car ride, anyway. She’s going to get enough uncomfortable family moments this weekend as it is.

The front door opens when she reaches the entrance, making her raised hand fall down on its own before she can even knock.

“Mom?”

“You’re late. Come set the table, it’s almost dinner.” Her mom snaps the words at her, turning on her heel.

Welcome home, indeed.

The four pale pink walls of Brooke’s childhood bedroom had once acted as her getaway. She would lie on her bed as a kid, her mind dreaming up different scenarios of being a famous ballerina, a knight with a pet dragon, an astronaut. Somewhere where she was powerful, in control of everything around her and also loved. She’d always have her happy ending, get to kiss the princess before her young brain even knew it was considered wrong by some.

The walls are suffocating her now, two days into her stay. The room is a memory of the way she’d try to cry as softly as she could as a kid, trying not to make any noise into her pillow. The way she’d pop painkillers to numb the ache in her muscles from overuse, ballet wearing down her body too fast for someone who hadn’t been fully grown. The way she’d squeeze her eyes shut tight, ignoring the arguments that she could still hear no matter how hard she tried to block them with her dreams of prettier stories than her own.

Being back here feels like the walls are pushing down on her, closing her up in a box that had succeeded in containing her for eighteen years. Except now she’s had a taste of life outside of the box, and she never ever wants to come back.

Her Blackberry beeps and she picks it up from its spot on her pillow, and can’t help but smile when she sees that it’s a text from Vanessa. She can almost imagine the other girl lying on her bed, pink Motorola RAZR phone in both hands as she types faster than Brooke ever could.

VM: my mom got the pics from Christmas developed!!!!

VM: look at my wack ass fam

The picture is absolutely chaotic, everyone in the group smiling, laughing, or, in Vanessa’s case, yelling at the person taking the photo. They’re all in colourful ugly Christmas sweaters, some with Santa hats, some with reindeer ears.

VM: my mami’s the one wearing the fake Santa beard LOL

BLH: Oh my god. You look just like her.

The woman beside Vanessa in the photo really does look like an adult Vanessa, though with hair that is a few shades lighter. She has an arm around Vanessa who looks tiny beside her, their oversized sweaters nearly taking them over.

BLH: Who else is who?

VM: well, there’s julio, my brother, he’s the one wearing the dumbass elf hat. my abuela, then my tía rosa, her husband enrique, my tío pablo and his husband luis, my tía carmen, my cousins maria and isaac and isabella and daniela and alex. and riley my pup!!!

BLH: Your family is huge, omg.

VM: not even all of them. these are just the ones who could make it to christmas dinner

The photo makes Vanessa’s house look so fun, so welcome, so opening and inviting. Brooke zooms in on the photo, looks at their individual faces that look like they’re having a blast.

BLH: Wait, did you say your uncle and his husband?

VM: yeah they’re married!! caused a big drama when tío pablo brought him home the first time but now everyone loves him and their wedding was the best. and my mami wasn’t as mad when i came out to her lol

BLH: you’re out to her?

VM: yeah!!! a couple years ago i came out she cried for two days then got over it lol

Wow. Brooke’s wondering why they’ve never had this conversation before. Brooke knows that Vanessa senses her discomfort around talking about her own family, and tactfully doesn’t ask her much. Vanessa always talks about her own, though, recounting her constant bickering with her brother and her mom’s trash talking at the wheel.

BLH: Wow. That’s great, though.

VM: ya, she still wants grandkids tho

VM: says riley doesn’t count >:(

BLH: LOL. He is the biggest furriest baby there is.

Brooke pets Henry absentmindedly, burying her fingers into his soft fur as he purrs. He’s curled up on the pillow beside her, Apollo resting on her desk chair. Henry and Apollo are the two things that she doesn’t mind about visiting home. She opens the picture from Vanessa again, looking at all of the happy and smiling faces. Looks at her married uncles. It’s a contrast from the family portraits that line the walls in Brooke’s house, ones of her and her parents sitting stone faced, looking poised. Nothing short of practiced and perfect, matching their vibes during the holidays. Quiet, tense dinners, a cloak for the screaming arguments in the late evenings that her parents would get into after having too much to drink and needing to release their pent up resentment towards each other, only to go back to clipped tones the next day, as if nothing had happened.

The longing in her chest is tangible, a woven rope that makes her want to jump into the picture and have a family like Vanessa’s, one so big and full of life.

Brooke looks at the way that Vanessa’s grandmother’s arm is wrapped around her uncle’s waist and hugging her son close, and the way that Vanessa is curled into her mom’s side. Brooke wonders if Vanessa has mentioned her to her mom, talked about them at Christmas break. If Vanessa used to mention her past girlfriends, giggle about her dates with her mom.

Would her parents be the same way, if she came out to them, equally supportive and loving? Does she have to? Is she fake if she doesn’t?

She doesn’t want to. Facing their inevitable disappointed expressions, echoing the homilies they’ve heard at Mass about how being gay is wrong, how it means you’re a sinner. How you can’t go to heaven and thus can’t be a good person, if you’re gay.

Do her parents believe that? Would her parents hate her?

How could they, though? Would they hate Vanessa too, someone so sweet and funny and smart and utterly wonderful, just because of preconceptions that they have about her?

She wants a family like Vanessa’s, wants it so, so bad. Wants a house that is loud and full of laughter and ugly Christmas sweaters and one where she can bring her girlfriend home to. One where she’d be able to talk to her mom about anything and everything, where her mom would give her advice and actually give her the time of day.

Brooke’s fine on her own, in her room. She is. She just wants more. Wishes that she had it more than anything in the world.

(now)

“Vanessa. Please.”

Brooke bangs her fist on the door one, two, three times, the door an unmoving barrier that won’t budge as she ignores the patients, nurses, doctors, and technicians that pass by in the hall, because nothing else matters right now. She needs to talk and explain things, find out what made Vanessa push her away and look at her with an expression of horror and confusion alike, because she doesn’t know. It’s replaying in her brain a million times over, chipping away at her insides and she can feel her foundations start to crack, on the route to crumbling if she doesn’t find out.

Maybe it was the nickname.

Who was Brooke to even call her ‘Nessa’? A pet name that’s so laden with softness and memories of them from when they were so much younger. Of course Vanessa hadn’t wanted to hear it, they’re different now and they don’t do this and they’ve both moved on. They’re adults, two adults having sex. Nothing more.

She’s so stupid. She’s slipped up and ruined everything.

“Please, just talk to me.” Brooke never begs, she doesn’t. But right now she can’t help it as the words leave her lips sounding desperate and broken, ruining any illusion she’s ever wanted to portray of having her shit together. Any semblance of a carefully constructed persona that she carries around with her around the hospital is melting away, because all she can think of is Vanessa on the other side of the door.

The door doesn’t open.

Maybe it had been the way she’d pulled Vanessa in for a kiss after the consultation meeting. Maybe Vanessa had wanted to tell her that they were done, that she wanted to end whatever she fuck they were doing. And then Brooke had gone and kissed her, made everything worse. Made Vanessa firm in her decision.

She’s a fucking idiot.

Vanessa could probably sense it, all of it. The way that Brooke still fucking feels it, wants more than just sex no matter how much she tries to convince herself that she doesn’t. She hates it.

Brooke’s tried, the last few days. Attempted to hide her disappointment when Vanessa had to cancel meetings with her when the cardiac units got busy. Held her face back from displaying too much when Yvie had asked her about Vanessa and how they hadn’t seemed to be fighting for the first time in awhile. Brooke’s tried to forget the feeling of Vanessa’s face buried in the crook of her neck, arms gripping onto her like she’s a precious metal, because she’s not Brooke’s to cherish.

This is why she never does these…things. Doesn’t date anymore, stays far away from anyone that could make her feel more than she should. She doesn’t need it, doesn’t need the connection that feels so good, so right in the moment before shattering her into pieces when it ends. It ruins everything.

And now here she is, hung up over an ex from more than a decade ago, someone who’s been happily over it for just as long, leaving Brooke a fucking mess and banging on a door that she knows won’t open.

Stupid.

Brooke watches as her own fist drops from the door, slides down the smooth surface until it’s resting at her side. The telltale numbness that is activated by her brain when she’s feeling too much begins to spread over her heart, her soul. It glazes over the shame, the embarrassment, the rejection, the longing for someone who she shouldn’t be hung up over in the first place. The grey cloud is enough to numb everything, leaving a bulletproof blank slate that is impossible to get through from the outside.

She doesn’t need anything, or anyone. She’s learned that enough.

And so she turns on her heel, and she leaves.

Brooke does the only thing that she knows how to do when she needs to drown out her thoughts, shut her brain off to avoid the feelings that she doesn’t want to feel - she turns to her work. She takes on more patient referrals than she usually would, filling up her schedule with procedures that require her full attention for hours upon hours.

The work is methodical, routines that she’s followed a thousand times in her career. Cuts from her scalpel, the buzz of the bone saw, beeps sounding throughout the OR as she directs her team, working together like a miniature ecosystem. Patients that survive, others on the brink of death who pull back because Brooke refuses to sit down until they’re stable.

Other patients that die on the table and take a piece of Brooke with them when they go.

If her team notices any changes, they say nothing. She doesn’t care, she’s not here for them.

She’s here for work.

The interns piss her off more than usual, making stupid mistakes that are reflective of any medical student, but right now they’re so careless and messing with Brooke’s work, and so what if she yells at them more than she normally does? It makes her feel better afterwards.

It doesn’t stop her from escaping Nina’s scrutinizing gaze, though, her best friend looking equal parts done and worried as they sit in her office at the end of the day.

“I’ve had three interns email me today about how they can’t work in, and I quote, ‘unsafe work practices’.” Nina looks as if she’s staving off approximately three headaches at once, and Brooke would feel bad if they interns didn’t deserve it.

Brooke takes a sip of the wine that Nina’s poured for her. “Not my fault that they can’t handle the rigorous workload of being on the neuro units.” If they want to work with the best, they need to be the best.

She doesn’t need to put up with interns that forget simple suture techniques, or ones that don’t come prepared with answers to the questions that Brooke throws at them. How else are they going to become surgeons?

“Except this is new, Brooke, and you know it. You’re normally a bitch, but a fair one, which is how you’re good with the interns most of the time. But from what they’ve told me now, it sounds like you’re just being plain mean to them.” Nina tugs her glasses off, puts them on the desk before rubbing her temples.

Brooke shrugs. “They shouldn’t be in surgery if they can’t handle it.”

“No, you’re taking your frustrations out on them. Which I get, but also you’re going to scare all of them away, and the teaching component of this hospital is incredibly vital, and so we need to keep all of these baby doctors without you making them run with their tails between their legs before they can even reach residency.”

Brooke crosses her arms. “They’re shit baby doctors.”

“That’s a lie, and you know it.” Nina looks up at her, really looks up at her, and it makes Brooke shrink in her seat. Nina’s the only one in the hospital who can actually make her do so. “What on earth is up with you?”

Brooke shrugs. “It doesn’t matter.” It doesn’t, she’s dealing. She’s not going to let Vanessa affect her.

Nina sighs. “Brooke…”

“Anyway.” Brooke leans forward in her seat, rests her elbows on Nina’s desk. Ignores Nina’s pointed look at her. “You still haven’t told me about the date with Ryan you had last week. You promised me the details.”

It’s a distraction tactic, a flimsy one at best, but it does the job, Nina’s face lighting up at the mention of her new boyfriend. “Well, he said to dress fancy, but not too fancy, right?”

Brooke nods as she listens to Nina’s excited rambling, the woman at times as easy to redirect as a four year old. The subject is much more palatable than her own fucked up love life - not that she even has one.

The shot of tequila creates a smooth burn down the back of Brooke’s throat, the subsequent salt and lime not enough to drown out the overbearing noise that is forever present at Ralph’s. Brooke gestures to the bartender for another shot as Yvie, Scarlet and other members of the neurosurgery team toast to Plastique.

“Happy birthday, bitch!” Yvie yells the words as she slams down her empty shot glass. “May this be the year that you’re finally not carded.”

“That’ll probably be never. Everyone thinks I’m twelve years old anyway.” Plastique sighs. “Last week an attending asked me if I needed help finding my family - he thought I was a patient’s kid or something.”

Brooke can’t help the laugh that bubbles in her throat, something that Plastique immediately catches. “Don’t you start.”

Brooke has to cover her mouth. “Sorry, it’s just hilarious. We have a tween on the neuro team.” She cant help but fully crack up after making eye contact with Yvie.

Plastique pouts. “That’s Dr. Edwards to you. I’m a resident, damn it.”

“A twelve year old resident? Child prodigies are truly so impressive.” Yvie grins, patting Plastique’s arm.

“You’re all the worst. The absolute worst.”

“And yet,” Yvie shrugs, “you love us.”

Plastique grins. “Can’t deny that. Even if you all are pretty much considered elderly at this point.”

“Careful, or I’m gonna run you over with my walker.” Yvie pokes Plastique’s side, which makes her yelp and poke Yvie right back.

Brooke snorts. She loves her team, or at least, parts of it. She didn’t want to come out tonight, before being dragged out of her apartment by Yvie and Scarlet (a running theme recently, the two of them refusing to let her rest for even five seconds), but now she’s not so upset that she has.

Plastique, the newest member of neurosurgery who had started as a resident only a few months ago, already fits in well with the group. Brooke’s glad that she has friends that are at her level - or rather, close to her level, since she does outrank them all as the head of neurosurgery. Ones who she can discuss difficult cases and current research with, topics that someone who doesn’t work in a hospital would be utterly confused about. It reminds her of undergrad, when her and Vanessa would-

No. Not happening. She’s not thinking about that.

The bartender slides over the other shot that she’s ordered, and Brooke downs it without so much as a wince. The tequila and lime and salt are tangible, existing sensations that help to draw her out of her head, from the clutches of memories and regrets that never seem to leave her alone anymore.

“Slow down, B.” Yvie tilts her head, brow furrowed. “We got here like, ten minutes ago.”

Brooke shrugs. “Getting a head start, that’s all.” She’s gonna need all the alcohol that she can get on her first night out in awhile.

She’s been coming in early, staying late, overworking herself to shut off her mind, though it hasn’t been working as well as she wants it to. Vanessa’s smile. Vanessa’s moans underneath her. The furrow in Vanessa’s brow ever present in their past meetings. The way Vanessa had pushed her away the last time in the conference room. The way Vanessa hadn’t opened the door, effectively letting her know that she wasn’t interested. Wanted it to end.

Brooke gets it, really does. Though her heart fucking doesn’t, replaying the moment over and over again since it happened, the knife in her heart twisting more and more every time.

She needs to get a grip.

The alcohol flowing in her system is no help, making the conversations that are happening around her louder, the lights brighter, sensations that are exacerbating the very thoughts that she wants to drown out.

Scarlet pulls out a cupcake, because, being Scarlet, she had picked one up earlier for Plastique’s birthday. Plastique squeals (‘you got double chocolate!’) , pulling Scarlet into a hug. Brooke lets out a surprised yelp when she tugs the rest of them in, too, nearly falling off of her stool.

She peeks over Yvie’s shoulder while still in the hug before her heart drops in her chest, and she wants to close her eyes so that she doesn’t have to register who has just sit down at the other end of the bar.

Vanessa.

It seems that Brooke can’t come to Ralph’s without seeing her anymore.

Brooke can’t tear her eyes away, unable to pull her gaze from the other surgeon in a tan jumpsuit and with waves cascading down her back. She’s laughing, making enough noise with the cardiothoracic surgeons that Brooke has to wonder how she didn’t spot her as soon as she had walked in.

Vanessa flags down the bartender, batting her eyelids and tilting her head and from the way that the female bartender leans on the counter, flirts back, Brooke knows that it’s going to be on the house.

The knife in her chest twists a little bit more, hitting a few more veins, making a few more cuts. Not that it matters.

Brooke is a sucker for punishment, a real lover of making herself feel like shit because she can’t help the way that her eyes drag back towards Vanessa every couple minutes. She looks so carefree and happy, joking around with the other cardiac doctors and does she have her arm around the waist of one of them?

Vanessa’s so good at making herself at home, no matter the situation that she’s in. She’d been the same way back when they were in school, and Brooke can see that nothing’s changed. She’s like a flame burning bright, drawing everyone in towards her like moths that are mesmerized by her light. Her smiles light up her entire face, and Brooke has to ignore the incessant pangs in her stomach reminding her that she’s not the one who is causing them.

Vanessa’s fine. Vanessa gets through things, Brooke can see that. She can emerge unscathed and continue to shine, continue to climb up, up, up. She’s not haunted by regrets or things from her past. She knows when to cut off thorns that wrap around her limbs and try to bring her down. Ones like Brooke.

Brooke gets it. Maybe she deserves it. Because Vanessa clearly knows what she wants, and knows that she deserves better. Someone more than Brooke, who can give her love and light and not dysfunction and vicious cycles that only seem to end in destruction.

Brooke can’t hold Vanessa back anymore. Maybe she’s not meant for it, for anything that can crack her heart open. She had been doing so well, keeping things casual with a few women. No strings attached, no possibility of feelings being developed if she never learned their full names or anything about them. No attachments had meant no chance of those attachments being ripped from her.

Maybe that’s what she should go back to. Maybe it’s the only thing that she deserves now.

There’s no angel whispering in Brooke’s ear to stop her from going to chat up a girl (a nurse? a unit clerk?) towards the end of the night a few hours later, one whom she’s fucked before and is always willing for some time in the on call room. Perhaps there’s a little tug in her chest whispering that this girl isn’t Vanessa, won’t ever live up to Vanessa, but she ignores it. Because Vanessa isn’t hers, never will be hers, not anymore. Not for the last eleven years.

Maybe some quick fucks are all that Brooke is going to get now. She used to be happy with it, encouraged it even, before Vanessa walked into the hospital on her first day and disrupted her carefully crafted life and left her to salvage the broken pieces.

And salvage she will. Brooke can go back to it, because it’s what worked, it’s what she deserves. She doesn’t have Vanessa anymore.

Brooke doesn’t look up as she leaves to see if Vanessa notices her walk by, her hand on the girl’s back guiding her outside to a waiting Uber. She doesn’t care. She doesn’t. She can go back to her routine, back to not caring, not getting invested. Vanessa isn’t her problem anymore.

#rpdr fanfiction #branjie #brooke lynn hytes #vanessa vanjie mateo #lesbian au #hospital au #holtzmanns #nobody knows where we might end up

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yesdavidmark · 6 years ago

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How to Talk to Orthodox Jewish Girls at a Melave Malka

by David Hartley Mark

(A Parody of Neil Gaiman’s “How to Talk to Girls at Parties”)

“Come ON,” said Mutty, to me,“It’ll be great.”

“For you, maybe,” I said. I had wanted to hit Talmud Masechet-Tractate Kiddushin that evening; I had a Bechinah (Talmud Exam) on Monday. Rav Frozbee was a tough rebbe, everyone said; still, I had tackled the tractate over the summer in the Special Make-Up Class, after failing Rav Magid. I had to impress my rebbe.

And now, Mutty was making me nuts. “C’mon, c’mon,” he urged, “Isn’t it about time to met a new girl to replace that—?”

“Cheryl,” I said, patiently, “Her name was Cheryl.”

“Right,” Mutty grinned, “She never let you get to first base.”

“Are you kidding?” I answered, “No bases whatsoever were involved.”

“So we’ll go,” said Mutty, “It’s an easy walk from here. Congregation Rodef Kesef is having a Melave Malka—the shul is thirteen years old, and they’re giving it a Bar Mitzvah celebration. Clever, huh?”

My mind had already strayed to the portion that I knew, for sure, Frozbee would have on the test: “Could a man acquire—that is, marry—a woman with a loaf of bread?” This was a major act of chutzpah on the man’s part, and the woman had every right to be insulted.

“Give it to that dog,” the woman replied angrily (P. 8b), and the Rabbis rule that she is not betrothed. But if she specified that the man give the bread to a particular dog—that is, her dog—she is, indeed betrothed. I just had to check Rashi and the Ba’alei HaTosafote on that portion, and I’d be all set.

Meanwhile, my half-starved body was sending its unmistakeable signals to my brain: What kind of bread was it? Was it necessary for the woman to make HaMotsee on behalf of the dog?

“And if the dog was chasing the woman, and she implored the man, ‘Give the bread to the dog,’ because she was in mortal danger of being bitten, she is not betrothed to him, because he was required by Torah law to save her.”

“The shul is just around this corner, on Stanton Street,” said Mutty, rubbing his hands.

But I knew what would happen next. Mutty would pair off with some long-sleeved, long-hemmed houri, and leave me with her ugly friend. This had happened before. He would come up to me at a simcha event, and say, “There are two of them,” and I knew for sure which one I was getting. That was why I didn’t want to go....

I was really wondering about the woman, the dog, and the bread.

Mutty pushed open the big wooden door, and we entered a temple that, I believe, had been built in 1904—I quickly translated the Hebrew date on the cornerstone. The shul was dim inside, and smelled of herring, snuff, and old prayer books. But the basement was well-lit, and Mutty headed for it, like a moth to a flame.

“There it is, Shimon,” he said, “Action Central!”

Action Let Down, more like, I thought, but I owed Mutty for learning with me that past week. He was a whiz at Talmud, and had rescued my hide from failing on more than one occasion. So I owed him one.

We crept down the squeaky steps, which groaned at our every move, as if shedim-demons were living underneath. Emerging into the basement Social Hall, it took a while for our eyes to adjust to the light—the fluorescents were flickering, and someone had lit candles on every table, honest to God. It felt like the 19th Century.

A bunch of old men were sitting at one bare-topped table, which held plates of arbess, garbanzos, and water-challah loaves, which they reached out and tore pieces off—not the most hygienic practice, I believed.

From the Men’s Side, we could see the Women’s—there was no mechitzah-division between the men and women, but, clearly, we were not permitted to go there. The only thing we could hope for was if a girl or two got up to loiter in the corridor—or one of the empty classrooms. The shul had had a Hebrew School long ago, and nothing remained but the rooms—I could see from the Social Hall that they were empty.

At the front table sat the rebbe—he wore a kapote and shtreimel, a long, black coat and ornamental fur hat. He was the most enthusiastic of the bunch, and banged loudly on the table while singing “Am Yisroel Chai”—“The People of Israel Live.” He banged and sang and sang and banged, and sipped gently from a small shot glass of schnapps-whiskey that stood nearby. It looked like Four Smugglers—the cheapest rotgut you could purchase, but it got the job done.

“Look over there!” whispered Mutty to me, “Two girls leaving the room, at three o’clock. Time to make our move.”

“They’re probably going to the Ladies’ Room,” I whispered back.

“No—nope, they’re going into one of those old classrooms!” he cried with glee, and, grabbing my arm, yanked and propelled me across the floor.

I had to follow—what could I do? Even though part of me yearned to tackle that dog-bread-woman-betrothal section of Tractate Kiddushin.

Mutty pulled me into the dim classroom. The only light was from the flickering lights outside, and the candlelight gave the place a sort of spiritually gloomy atmosphere.

The girls sat at two old desks. They did not look up as we entered. Their lips were moving.

“Mutty, forget about it,” I whispered, “they’re obviously davening. We can’t interrupt their kavanah-devotion.”

“So we wait,” he said decisively, and I had no choice. Mutty was my chavrusah, my study-partner, and I needed him for that test. Maybe I could convince him to come study tomorrow, Sunday—?

The girls looked up. It was as if they saw us for the first time.

“Uh—hi, Ladies,” stammered Mutty. For all his bravado, he was no Lothario with the ladies.

“One can be betrothed with a loaf of bread,” said the blonde—she had ringlets that covered her head and fell softly down her back, “but she may ask the man who desires her to give it to a poor person.”

“There is also the case of a dog,” said the other. She was brunette, and wore her hair cut short. “If the woman tosses the loaf to a dog to save her life, she is not obligated to marry the man.”

How did these girls know the Gemara I had been studying? I glanced meaningfully at Mutty, but he didn’t look at me back—he was too busy thinking of something clever to say.

“What Girl’s Yeshiva do you attend?” he asked, “Ludomir? Central? Queens?”

“We are here to imbibe of your air and water,” said the brunette, “and return when it is time.”

“Time for what?” asked Mutty, but the girl was silent.

A few seconds passed. I was beginning to feel foolish: these girls were weird.

“You must be patient,” said the blonde, “for we were formed to enter the Maelstrom, and we both survived.”

The brunette nodded. “And after, we dove into the rays of the Blinking Star—the one with a tail that speeds through the Universe. How I long to do that, again!”

The blonde smiled at her. “And to listen to the harpists of Alpha Centauri, and dance while they played!”

“Um—what year are you girls in?” asked Mutty, but they ignored him.

“We are sent,” said the brunette, choosing her words carefully, “to smell the odors of the elderly structures, and to observe the elders of your world. Our world has no age, no time, no place.”

“We could go for a walk,” said Mutty, “I could show you girls the East River. It’s wonderful, how it glows in the moonlight.”

I had never heard Mutty speak this way before. Was he trying to impress them?

Both girls looked at him. “I do not know the water-body of which you speak,” said the brunette. She shook her head, and stared at Mutty.

“We can leave now,” said Mutty, “and I promise to bring you both back to your homes, afterwards.”

“Our home is megalights away,” said the blonde, with a note of sadness in her voice, “and we cannot leave until the All-Master declares our mission over.”

Is that God? I wondered, Are they speaking about God? Who are these two, anyway?

“We should leave now,” said Mutty, “The Melave Malka is winding down, anyway.” He approached the girls, pushing away the dusty cobwebs that festooned the classroom.

The girls looked at each other. “We are not to violate the laws of negiah—touching another species,” said the brunette.

“Hey, no problem,” said Mutty, “We can just walk together.”

“And if the All-Master should summon us to the Moonbeams of Saturn,” said the brunette, “we will do what we can to please Him. He is the one who gave us life—but we were created imperfectly, and so were sent to this lesser planet.”

“You look OK to me,” said Mutty, “Don’t they, Shimon? C’mon, let’s go now.”

“Um—Mutty, you better count me out,” I said. I really needed to go home and tackle that piece of Gemara before Monday. “Can you come over tomorrow, and learn with me?” I asked.

Mutty gave me a sharp look. “I will do it for the mitzvah-commandment,” he said in a voice of quiet anger. I could tell he was upset because of my deserting him. “We could have all four of us taken a walk to the River, but you’re bailing on me. Thanks a LOT, Shim. Thanks a lot.”

The girls smoothed their dresses and rose.

“The All-Master wishes for us to accompany this young human,” said the blonde, and the brunette nodded.

“In thusly manner will we learn more about this lesser world of worlds,” said the brunette.

“Just come this way,” said Mutty, holding the door of the shul open in a grandiose manner. The two girls smiled slightly—very slightly—and passed him by.

“It’s a really nice river,” said Mutty, following them—they appeared to glide over the sidewalk, not quite walk on it. I can’t be sure of that, because their dresses were so long. They turned and looked at the two of us, and there was something about their eyes—the color? The intensity of their stare?—that disturbed me, so that I slowed my steps. Mutty looked back at me, with an annoyed look on his face.

“Ah Gute Voch, Shimon,” he said, “A Good Week to you, now that Shabbat is over.”

“Shabbat on Andromeda is a fulfilling phase of our beings,” said the blonde, “and it is tragic when it ends.”

The brunette nodded. “But there is always Shabbat, somewhere in the alphaverse,” she smiled at her friend.

A slight New York City breeze blew, chilling the sweat on my overheated, nervous brow. The girls’ hair did not move in the wind.

“Just make a right here,” said Mutty, and that was the last I ever saw of him. A blinding flash—did it come from the girls’ eyes?—caught me off guard in the dark Saturday night surroundings, and I was flung to the ground, tearing my slacks and bloodying my knee.

When I looked up, the three of them—the two girls—were they truly girls?—and my old friend, Mutty, were gone. Vanished. I never saw him again.

It took two weeks for my knee-wound to heal. When it did, the scar had the shape of a girl’s head.

And that is why I spend my Saturday evenings, after Shabbat, learning and learning.

Perhaps I’ll see Mutty again, someday. Or not.

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startrekwintergiftexchange · 6 years ago

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breathing in snowflakes

There’s snow, so damn much of it Nyota doesn’t ever think she can tear her eyes from the window. She can see Bones and Jim, attempting to roll snow into a base big enough for a snowman, but too preoccupied with stuffing it down each other’s shirts to really be making any head way with the snowman. Spock stands a little to the side, in a very thin jacket and pants, and even though hasn’t been snowing for long she can see him shivering from the living room window. “Here,” she goes out, wraps a scarf round his neck, hands him a set of gloves and a thick, woolen jacket, “Watching you suffer is even sadder than watching the two of them give each other pneumonia,” Nyota says, waving off Spock’s thanks. “Now—-let’s show them how you really build a snowman."

…

It was Kirk’s idea, so many of their families had been off-world, or absent, and there’s no worse way to spend the few days they have alone, counting the spaces between their breathes, utterly alone. He and pushed and cajoled—- “It’ll be fun,”he had said, “The captain’s allowance is more than generous—-”, and when they have protested that they couldn’t possibly allow him to spend his allowance on this, Jim had just grinned, wide and open and guileless, and only said “You didn’t really think I’d let you spend Christmas alone, did you?”. So, they had let him, and now they’re here together, tucked up in a cabin with more food than they could possibly eat, and a tree that trembles and towers over them.

The tree that had nearly been the end of Jim and Bones and Spock, it had been too big for the door, but Bones had been insistent, “I’ll get this damn tree in the door if it kills me!”

“It does pose a significant risk,” Spock had said sagely, arms clasped behind his back, “The annual risk to any one individual being killed by a tree is approximately 1:10,000,000, or 6 deaths per 60 million head of population——”

“We’re off duty,” Bones groaned, “And it’s bloody cold out here, so stop your yammerin’ and put your back into helpin’ me get this tree in.” The fun had come after, when they’d gotten the tree up, and quietly, throughout the night, everyone had added their ornaments to its boughs. Nyota had produced a shimmering glass sphere, filled with the red hued sand of her desert from home. (The way the snow slopes in dunes reminds her of home, but there’s no where she’d rather be than here).

Spock had pressed the remnants of a few bits of biological foliage, large white flowers with bright blue veins that pulse from the cold temperatures, found on their last off world mission, which he thought the others might find aesthetically pleasing. He had seen them, growing in cracks, filling up the air and space with their presence, and had thought of each of them, blooming in such unlikely places, flourishing even in the empty vacuum of space.

Bones had up strung tinsel and mistletoe, like they do at home, like he imagines his daughter might be doing now, and tied the thing up with red ribbon, and a bust of the Enterprise as their star. Jim had produced popcorn, real popcorn, to decorate the tree, derailed only by the propensity by with Spock was eating it. “Would you stop eating all the popcorn? It’s supposed to go on the tree!” Jim shakes his head, equal parts exasperated and amused—-more popcorn had gone in Spock’s gullet than on the tree, as Spock looks up, brows drawn together, “Was this both not meant for communal eating?” With the ghost being given up, Jim had sat down next to Spock and they had shared the rest of the popcorn together in companionable silence. When their fingers brush at the bottom of the bowl, Spock doesn’t flinch away. Jim feels it, just a wave of contentment, not his own, but the sentiment shared entirely.

Nyota’s throat constricted at the sight of it all, the care and the thought poured into every detail, had slide her hand into Jim’s and squeezed once, twice. His palm is dry and warm in her own, and he radiates the kind of happiness that’s infectious, that makes the air lighter and lifts your heart.

They can’t be home for Christmas, but sheltered like this together, a bottle of rum between the four of them (or rather, the two of them still on the floor singing loudly, and badly)—- yes, the four of them together like this, crowded and not enough space between, sitting on the floor taking shots like they’re back in the academy—Kirk’s reindeer ears slopping over, the Santa hat tucked awkwardly behind Spock’s ears, Nyota jingling with a belt of sleigh bells wrapped round her middle, and Bones juggling coal, winking roguishly at the lot of them, it’s enough.

“God damn it, Jim, I’ll burn all your gifts if you keep throwin’ the mistletoe at me.”

“It’s certainly beautiful, but the cold might be the death of me,” Nyota says in an aside to Spock, burrowing her hands in her sweater, and doesn’t realize she’s said it in Vulcan until Kirk sneaks his hand on the crook of her elbow to pull her down, and she snatches Bones to throw him off balance too on principle, because if she must be thrown from her reverie, Bones can’t very well be left alone either. That wouldn’t be fair, would it?

“Your host requests a Christmas conducted in Standard, you brainiacs.”

“A Starfleet captain should know better than to be so culturally insensitive,” Nyota says in retort, not without a smile. “Christmas is a human holiday——” he starts to say, but she cuts him off,“There are over 6,909 spoken languages, and that’s only accounting for the human ones—–” Jim just bats his eyelashes, chin in his hands, “Tell me more, professor,” which derails them entirely and sends them into giggles.

As the three of them burrow down into the covers, Spock sits next to them, carefully extricating his legs from the mess of limbs, but hovers close. His presence is steady. He takes it in, and devotes it to memory, the camaraderie—the ease in which he can be comfortable with this people who occupy so much in his life. Even he is not immune to the laughter, the cheer of it all, his eyes soft. Bones is grumbling, but the shine of his eyes and the lilt of his mouth tell another story, and Nyota’s face hurts from the smiling, and Jim, oh Jim; his is grin is so wide it reaches the corners of his eyes, and he shines bright, the past five years rolling off his shoulders. He is as he should be. Young, carefree, with the people he loves within arms reach.

They all are, in this moment, together.

It’s a picture-perfect, the four of them, together like this.

“I must admit, Jim, whilst the temperature far exceeds my species tolerance, the slopes of the snow are quite—”

“Adequate,” Bones and Kirk drawl out, so dead pan that Nyota can’t help but hide her smile behind her hand. Spock looks positively affronted, but it’s hard to take him seriously garbed as he is in an outlandishly ugly Christmas sweater, the bells of his reindeer sweater ringing out gently, the fur of the Santa hat steadily encroaching on the skin of his forehead.

“You know, if the wind blows, your face will freeze like that,” Jim says as he ribs Spock with his elbow, and Spock’s eye brow raises so far up it nearly disappears. Kirks nose is red, but his blue eyes shine bright. Spock gestures over to the table, one eyebrow raised as he takes in the rather large bottle of rum in his hand. “I never have understood the human propensity to drink oneself to excess.” Jim just giggles, Nyota sighs, and Bones pours another shot with a relish. “12 days of Christmas, 12 excuses for merrymaking, can I get an amen,”

“Christmas singular day——”

“Spock,” Jim says, hands on his heart, blue eyes flashing false and wounded, “All things that can be dragged out in excess, shall be, it’s encoded in our DNA.”

“Human DNA, perhaps,” Spock amends dryly.

“—–of which you share half. And you know, he is actually right,” Nyota nodding sagely, and now it’s Spock turn to look affronted, “Traditionally, the first day of Christmas starts with a partridge in a pear tree—–”

“And ends with twelve drummers drummin’,” Bones pipes up. Spock sighs, and they laugh, their hearts light as the snow that drifts down, and shrouds the world outside.

All that matters is this moment, now. Outside, it may be cold, but here, together as they are, all the four of them could possibly feel is warm.

For @captain-stelliferous

#Star Trek: Alternate Original Series #spock #Jim Kirk #Nyota Uhura #Leonard McCoy #fanfic #captain-stelliferous #empiricallly #submission

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deathisonlypermanent · 6 years ago

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We’ve Only Just Begun Pt4: Together

Watching the Signs Along the Way Talking It Over Just The Two Of Us Working Together Day To Day Together (You are here)

Peter Parker x Reader Rating: PG-13 for cursing wc: 2267

Previously on We’ve Only Just Begun:

“Oh, hey, what are you guys doing for New Year’s Eve? I’m having a party and I would love if you guys could come.” (Y/N) casually invited Peter and Ned.

“I’d love to come!” Ned said immediately.

“I’ll ask May, but it sounds like fun.” Peter smiled at (Y/N).

“Cool! I’m actually about to head out, but let me know!” (Y/N) called as she exited the cafeteria.

“Peter, this is the perfect time to confess your feelings!” Ned practically shouted at Peter.

“What are you talking about? That’s a terrible idea.”

“Then Spidey up! There’s no way she’ll say no if you’re Spider-Man!”

“No, Ned.”

But Peter couldn’t help but think that it was a good idea...

We continue:

As New Year’s Eve crept closer and closer, (Y/N) got more and more nervous. She had been planning on confessing her feelings to Peter at this party, but the more she thought about it, the more she thought it was an absolutely terrible idea. What-if scenarios kept her up at night. What if he didn’t feel the same and it ruined her only good friendship? What if she never confessed her feelings and never got to know whether or not her and Peter were meant to be? But what if he liked her back? What would she do then? She’d never been in a relationship before and had no idea how to function in one.

Before she knew it, it was the day of the party. She quickly opened her phone to shoot a text to her, Peter, and Ned’s group chat.

From: You To: Apple Bottom Jeans (boots w the fur)🍎🍎

See you guys at 8?

(Y/N) couldn’t help but think of the day they came up with the ridiculous name. They were all at their respective homes rapidly changing the name of the group chat to equally ridiculous -- and occasionally offensive -- names. It was stupid, but fun. “(y/n) sucks” “Peters left pinky” “Neds gay for flash” (This one prompted an immediate response from both Ned and Peter saying “thats not even funny” and “he wishes”). It had settled down after a couple minutes, everyone had ran out of funny ideas, so (Y/N) suggested that everyone hit paste and send whatever it was.

(Y/N): ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Ned: Martha was ugly like a shaven baboon,

So she wrapped herself up in a curtain cocoon.

And after a week, she finally emerged,

She smelled like wet garbage, what a psycho.

But Peter...he had a link to the song Apple Bottom Jeans by T-Pain.

And it was almost....too good. (Y/N) and Ned refused to let it go, changing the group chat to “Apple Bottom Jeans (boots w the fur)” every time Peter tried to change it to anything else. Eventually, he gave up and left it like that -- (Y/N) and Ned sent confetti with their next few messages out of sheer excitement.

(Y/N) was pulled out of her sentimental flashback by a buzz.

From: Peter To: Apple Bottom Jeans (boots w the fur)🍎🍎

Ya ill see you then :)

His text brought a small smile to her face. He wasn’t even trying but he did it anyway. God, he’s just so cute. (Y/N) thought for a moment before her anxiety came back, full swing. Why does anxiety exist? It was understandable in caveman days because they were prey, but now there’s just a teenage girl hoping to find the courage to confess her feelings.

The human brain sucks. She thought with disdain as she slipped her phone into her back pocket and made her way to the party in her kitchen/living room. There was already family there that her parents had insisted come early so they could get drunk together before the kids got there.

Her home was never this crowded, people sat all around their table and nearly every seat on the couch was taken. (Y/N) wouldn’t consider her family upper-middle class, but they certainly lived in a nicer apartment in Queens. It was a three bedroom apartment, with a room for her, her brother, and her parents. Her living room didn’t have a wall separating her kitchen so the edge of the couch served as a sort of barrier. The entire place was decorated, not only with New Year decorations, but with pictures of her family. The kitchen cabinets were covered in pictures of (Y/N)’s childhood, framed photos of relatives she’s never met and people she’s spent her entire life with covered the walls, and it made her feel happy. If she ever felt down, she only had to look around and see all the people that would support her no matter what. And, right now, she needed support.

Ned, Peter, and May arrived at 7:55, which absolutely delighted (Y/N). She greeted them and invited them in, giving them all year 2000 glasses -- it was her family’s tradition, they refused to buy any year past it -- and colorful party hats before introducing May to her parents and sitting around the kitchen table with Peter and Ned.

Ned took a look around the party, nodding in approval before turning back to (Y/N), “Kickass party!” He shouted over the chatter and music.

“Thanks!” She laughed, “Nice hat!” She pointed at Ned’s party hat on top of his favorite fedora.

Ned smiled and took a small handful of chex mix. The party was, generally speaking, a success. Drunk relatives kept coming up to (Y/N) and her friends and making very strange conversation, but, for the most part, Ned, Peter, and (Y/N) were free to hang out. Their conversation was light and breezy, mostly carried out by Ned because (Y/N) and Peter were both consumed by their nerves and entirely in their own heads.

Around 11:00, Peter excused himself to the bathroom and left (Y/N) and Ned to talk. And, that’s totally fine. But it was now 11:45. Needless to say, (Y/N) was worried and upset.

“....and that’s why Star Trek can never really beat Star Wars when it comes to quality.” Ned finished his point and (Y/N) realized she hadn’t listened to a thing he had said because she was so busy checking the time and scanning the room for Peter.

“Oh, totally.” (Y/N) wholeheartedly agreed, nodding passionately, even if she had listened, she knew pretty much nothing about Star Trek or Star Wars. “Do you know where Peter is?” She finally asked Ned, maybe he knew something she didn’t?

“Uh…” Ned looked nervous and checked his phone before responding, “He’s in the bathroom, right?”

“For an hour?” (Y/N) questioned and sighed. She was getting frustrated and upset, she planned to tell Peter at midnight but he was nowhere in sight. She knew full well that if she didn’t tell Peter tonight, she’d never have the nerve to tell him ever again. There’s no better time than on New Year’s Eve! If things went bad, she’d have time to move on, and if things went well, they’d have time to go on a date before school started. But every minute that passed was another minute closer to midnight.

“I think I’m gonna go for a walk,” (Y/N) told Ned, standing up and stretching. “I need some air before midnight.” Ned nodded, knowing that her anxiety was that much worse in social situations like this.

(Y/N) felt bad for leaving Ned in a house full of people he didn’t know, but she was upset with Peter and she was surrounded with people when she really just needed to be alone. Once her coat was on, she left her apartment and made her way outside. The cold New York air stung her cheeks as soon as she stepped outside, even though it was supposedly the “warmest winter New York had seen in years.”

She walked around the neighborhood for a bit, grateful for her distance to Times Square during the tourist season. She could never understand the overwhelming desire people felt all over the world to be in New York for the New Year.

“Damn TV for making New York seem so glamorous.” She cursed under her breath as she walked. She slowed her stride and sighed as she began to think about her life again. She couldn’t help but look for signs that she was making a mistake with Peter. ‘I mean, he disappeared. Is there a bigger sign that I’m making a mistake?’ She thought over their friendship and how devastated she would be if she lost her two closest friends. If Peter liked her, Ned would have told her, right?

“Ugh, I’m so stupid.” She groaned, stopping and burying her face in her hands. She stayed there, feeling sad about her feelings that would never be shared, for several minutes before steeling her nerves and deciding to go back home.

She had just turned around make her way back when something big and wet hit her on the top her head. “What-?” She looked up only to be hit with several more on her face. “Crap.” She whispered before speeding up in an attempt to get home before she was drenched. ‘Of course, I had to bring the one coat without a hood.’

(Y/N) was, unfortunately, unsuccessful and was soaked by the pouring rain well before she got home. She stopped under a small awning to check the time and message Ned that she might not make it back for midnight.

11:55

‘Yep, definitely missing midnight.’ (Y/N) sighed and opened her messages when she heard a familiar voice yell, “Uh, a little help!”

(Y/N) glanced around, curious and on edge. “Peter?” She called back, walking slowly toward the alley the voice called from. She peered down the dark alley, terrified and cold, searching for her best friend.

Much to her surprise, and disdain, instead of Peter, she found Spider-Man, tangled in his own web upside-down, drenched from the rain.

Her eyes went wide at the sight. “Oh my God, are you okay?” (Y/N) ran over to him but had no idea how to get him out of his own webs.

“Yeah, just, uh, messin’ around and got myself stuck.” He laughed awkwardly, his body spinning slightly.

“If only the world could see the amazing Spider-Man now.” (Y/N) laughed, plucking one of his webs like a guitar string after steadying him.

“Oh, god, please don’t tell anyone about this,” He groaned, the eyes of his mask getting smaller, somehow.

“I won’t,” she giggled, her eyes crinkling, her left handing coming up to her mouth to hide her smile. “But, your voice sounds so familiar…” She bit her lip, contemplating whether or not she should speak more.

“Oh!” Spider-Man shouted suddenly before deepening his voice and speaking again. “I get that a lot.”

“...I’m...sure you do,” (Y/N) agreed, nodding her head at the same pace she spoke.“But, you sound a lot like this guy I know. His name is Peter.”

“Who’s this ‘Peter’ guy? He sounds super cool.” Spider-Man said, sounding embarrassed.

(Y/N) giggled, her heart fluttering at the thought of Peter.“He’s a huge dork. But, that’s what makes me like him so much.”

“Oh, yeah?” His voice was suddenly small

“Yeah...he’s really cute. I was actually going to tell him tonight, but I haven’t been able to find him.” She confessed. “Aaaaaand I just confessed something weird and embarrassing to a super stranger.” She screwed her eyes shut and sighed, even though she was nearly certain that Spider-Man was no stranger.

“It’s not embarrassing!” He insisted, “I’m sure he feels the same! Something super important probably came up and he-he couldn’t, uh, couldn’t come back?”

(Y/N) cracked a smile. She could practically picture Peter’s curls underneath the mask. “Yeah, that’s probably it.” She said softly, looking into the eyes of the mask as if it would tell her everything she was wondering about.

“Yo-You should definitely still tell him how you feel, though. I mean, I’m sure he’d love to hear it.” Spider-Man stuttered out.

“You’re right,” she said, stepping closer to the dangling, masked, drenched, hero. She was certain at this point. “I’m going to tell him that I like him.” The pitter-patter of the rain on the fire escapes was going to be the soundtrack to her confession. She knew what she was doing. Or, at least, she hoped she did.

Her voice dropped as she stepped even closer to Spider-Man. “I’m going to say that I love his enthusiasm for everything he’s involved in. I love the way he casually checks in on me when he knows I have a bad day. I love that he pretends not to notice when I do something super embarrassing. I love that he’d do anything for his friends. I love that he’s smart enough to do whatever he wants but he chooses to hang out with me and Ned and take normal classes to be with me. I love that he comes to my shows even though I know he doesn’t like them. I love his beautiful brown eyes and his wonderful smile. I love that I can depend on him. But, most of all,” She took a shaky breath before her final confession, “I love him.”

A heavy silence fell around them. Peter wasn’t sure what to do and (Y/N) had just spilled her heart. Peter was about to say something, anything, to break the silence when a loud cheer went up and fireworks exploded in the sky.

(Y/N) looked up at the sky and smiled before returning her loving gaze to the boy in front of her. “Midnight.”

Spider-Man said nothing but stared at (Y/N) as she grabbed the edge of his mask and pulled it down to his nose. She leaned forward slowly, her breath hitching just before she pressed her lips to his.

It was a small kiss, but it was enough to leave them both breathless and elated.

“Happy New Year, Peter.” (Y/N) said softly, no longer caring about the party or the fact that she was drenched in cold rain. Her heart was warm and that was all that mattered.

#peter parker #peter parker x you #peter parker x reader #peter x you #peter x reader

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lordofthebigtimesupernatural · 7 years ago

Note

Single-Dad!Shiro AU: Keith always love the stuff Shiro gives to him, until one day Shiro gives him something & for the first time ever in his life, Keith doesn't like it. But he doesn't have the heart to tell Shiro that he dislikes it.

Hello! I’m so sorry that prompts are taking forever! Life had just gotten super busy for me. But I’ve missed this AU and there are a bunch of amazing prompts like this from you guys! I had fun with this one and it made me laugh super hard. Shiro tries his best. I hope you enjoy!

x.V.x

Keith was lucky because his dad was always pretty awesome.

Not only that, but Shiro usually knew what kinds of gifts Keith really wanted to surprise him with. Or gifts that Keith would surely like. Whether it was for Christmas or his birthday or whenever Shiro had done a good job in bringing something back for Keith to enjoy.

Shiro was also good at picking out Keith’s clothes, even though their styles were rather different. Keith could always count on his dad to pick him out a shirt or something to wear and normally Keith would wear it until they ripped.

However, even Shiro made mistakes. Not often but he still did, and those were hard for Keith to deal with.

Keith forced his eye to not twitch at the article of clothing that his dad had presented him with. Shiro had gone overseas to personally deliver a service dog to an old veteran in need of a companion and service animal. Keith was nearly seventeen and Shiro had only been gone five days, but even then Keith’s grandparents checked in on him about ten times a day.

Just like any trip that Shiro went on, he was sure to bring a souvenir back to Keith upon arriving home. Actually, he brought home several souvenirs just for Keith, and a few others for friends and family. For the most part, Keith had been ecstatic.

Shiro had brought back a hood (one that was super soft and super big) from one of the main tourists’ attractions, in his favorite color. He’d also brought home a keychain with “Stardust” in the center of the keychain. Then there were many smaller treats that Keith enjoyed (without any hints of seafood in them).

Finally, the last article of clothing that Shiro had brought back had been a hat. Normally, Keith liked hats – in fact, he often wore his hair up in a ponytail with a baseball cap when he was feeling particularly lazy. Shiro hadn’t brought home a baseball hat, nor a winter hat.

Shiro had brought back a monstrosity.

It was a hat that tied around the neck (that was the first part of it which Keith hated), and on top of the hat sat a big, hideous image of a cat. Or something closely resembling a hat with big eyes staring at Keith. As if staring into his soul. The cat was a bright yellow, with vertical black stripes across it and whiskers.

Keith hated it.

Though, Keith didn’t know what to do about it. His dad was presenting it to Keith with such a big smile as if this were the gift that he had been anticipating a lot. He looked so happy and earnest, that Keith found himself stuttering over his complaints.

“Um, ah, wow dad.” The teen rubbed the back of his neck, before finally taking a hold of the hideous hat. Upon closer inspection, Keith noticed that the eyes were lopsided, and its nose was beginning to fall off. He almost couldn’t hide his disgust, but after looking up, Keith’s heart stuttered at his dad’s grin.

“I saw it in some old gift shop as I was leaving town,” Shiro explained happily. Keith’s grip on the hat tightened. You mean you could have left without it? “They handmake everything they sell, and once I saw it I immediately thought of you!”

“Oh,” Keith’s voice squeaked. “Really?”

Shiro nodded, still smiling. “Yep. You always loved lions and cats when you were a kid, remember? You had that red stuffed lions forever. I knew once I saw this that this was you!” He clasped his hands together, eyes shining, and Keith had to look away. He was too bright. Too innocent.

“Wow dad, that’s…so thoughtful. You didn’t have to,” Keith smiled shakily. You shouldn’t have.

“Ah, it’s no big deal. Anything for my son,” Shiro grinned and pulled Keith into a side hug. “With you leaving next year, I thought you’d like something of your childhood. I bet you’re going to look so good in it!” Shiro was looking at Keith as if he meant every word. His dad honestly believed that this hat would look amazing on Keith. Keith had no words.

How do you tell someone as pure as dad, that you hate the gift? You might as well just stomp on his heart.

“Thanks, dad, it’s really awesome!” Keith smiled as best as he could and hugged his dad back. Shiro chuckled warmly before pulling back.

“Well, go on,” Shiro said eagerly. “Try it on!”

Keith’s heart almost stopped. Try it on? Right now?

“Um, okay,” Keith swallowed thickly. Slowly, he pulled the hat over his head, wincing when rough material rubbed against him. Apparently, only the outside was soft. However, once it was on, he turned to his dad who grinned even wider and nodded in approval.

“Lookin’ good!” He gave Keith thumbs up. Keith glanced in the hall mirror and he nearly tore the hat off in that second.

It looked awful.

x.V.x

“The fuck in on your head?” Pidge asked as soon as Keith entered their house. Currently, they were hosting a barbeque for friend’s and family. Keith growled lowly before stomping over towards Pidge and his friends. This was exactly what he had been wanting to avoid.

He didn’t want to go out in public with the monstrosity of a hat.

Keith had been already to go in his black crop top, ripped skinny jeans and jacket. Just as they were leaving, Shiro asked Keith to wear his hat so he could show everyone. Keith almost said no, but he was a weak teen. Especially when it came to his dad’s puppy dog eyes.

“Shut up, and don’t let dad hear you saying that.” Keith snarled, dropping himself dramatically onto the bench. He leaned against Hunk, who was gently patting comforting circles on his shoulder. Lance was nearly hanging off the table from laughing too hard.

Eventually, Keith kicked him as hard as he could when everyone looked their way. Including his dad.

“Don’t you dare say anything about how ugly this hat is,” Keith hissed quietly, while Lance rubbed his sore leg. At least he wasn’t laughing anymore. The others were doing their best not to stare at the hat on Keith’s face, without looking too confused either.

“Um,”

“Look, my dad is super thrilled about this hat,” Keith mumbled quickly, waving at his dad who smiled back. “He picked this hat out and it’s putting a fucking smile on his face every time I wear it so don’t you dare ruin this for him.” Keith threatened quietly.

Hunk blinked before sharing a look with Pidge.

“Your dad seriously thinks this looks good?” Hunk whispered, and Keith nodded.

“Yes,” Keith almost slumped over on the table. Luckily, Hunk gave him one of his famous pats and side hugs while Pidge sympathetically patted his hand.

“Wow, you can’t be serious?” Lance gawked. Keith sent him a dark glare that sent shivers down Lance’s spine and Hunk was quick to get between the two before anything escalated.

“If you say anything to him about this hat, I’ll make sure he buys you the same hat and make you wear it. Every. Day.” Keith pointed a threatening finger at Lance, who had gone pale at Keith’s words. All color drained from his face and his jaw was slack.

Keith wouldn’t do that.

Would he?

x.V.x

“You’re really dedicated to that hat kiddo.”

“Uncle Kuro,”

“Yes?”

“Shut it. Dad bought you one too.”

“…”

“You’re not serious about that right?”

“Wanna bet?”

“Fuck you.”

“Enjoy your brother’s gift.”

x.V.x

“That sure is a lovely…cap you’ve been wearing lately, Keith. I must admit that the colors on it go well with your new haircut.”

“Allura?”

“Oh, yes?”

“Dad didn’t get you a hat. You’re fine.”

“Oh thank god. Do you know how many nights I was staying up, thinking about a pink version of that hat?”

“Too many.”

“Too many, indeed. I had nightmares, Keith. Nightmares.”

“And you think I don’t? The beady eyes of this cat stare at me from my door every night.”

“Touché.”

x.V.x

Shiro hadn’t wanted to say anything. He really didn’t. Keith was an adult and he would make his own decisions. With or without Shiro’s assistance. However, Shiro had noticed that he hadn’t seen hide or fur of the hat that he had brought Keith a few weeks back, for at least a week now.

Shiro didn’t expect Keith to wear it every day. Of course not. Although, Keith had worn it every time Shiro asked, and sometimes he even wore it when Shiro didn’t realize it. Each time, Shiro had to control himself from taking a picture of his adorable teenage son.

So, it was unexpected when Shiro hadn’t seen the hat once at all this week. In fact, he didn’t even recall the hat being in Keith’s room. Now, Shiro wasn’t one to jump to conclusions and he didn’t want to say anything to Keith. After all, Keith could have left it at one of his friend’s house or it could be in the wash.

Still, after a week had passed, Shiro found that he couldn’t help but ask.

“Hey Keith,” Shiro asked finally, during dinner. Keith looked up with cheeks full of food and expression soft. Shiro chuckled to himself and waited for Keith to finish his food. “Hey, whatever happened to that hat that I bought you? I haven’t seen it in a while.”

Keith’s expression never changed while he looked up at his dad.

“Hm?” He asked and Shiro frowned.

“Your hat? I haven’t seen you wear it at all lately?”

“Oh, I wear that hat all the time.” Keith smiled playfully. “I can’t wear it every single day, especially once I’m off to boot camp.” Keith joked, causing Shiro to nod. Keith did have a point there, but still, he enjoyed seeing how adorable Keith was in the hat.

“I just haven’t seen it in your room at all lately.” Shiro shrugged, trying to continue with dinner. It wasn’t a big deal. Really.

“Hm,” Keith frowned and rubbed his chin. By now he looked to be just as confused as Shiro was, and maybe something had happened to the hat. Maybe Keith really didn’t know where it was.

However, as these thoughts ran through Shiro’s head, Red came trotting in the house after playing outside and running straight for her bed. She flopped down quickly, pulling something between her paws and began to chew on it. From a distance, Shiro thought that she had grabbed one of her stuffed toys to play with. She did that often when he and Keith were eating dinner to keep her occupied. However, the longer that he looked at the toy, the more that Shiro began to recognize what it was.

In fact, it wasn’t a toy at all. It was Keith’s hat.

“Red!” Shiro exclaimed, jumping out of his seat. Red eyed Shiro from the corner of her eye, freezing momentarily at her chewing. Keith had slowly gotten up, confused by his dad’s actions before following Shiro into the living room where Red was.

Shiro was gently kneeling down beside Red, trying to pull the toy away. Red didn’t fight back or do anything and let Shiro take the mangled hat away.

“Oh, Red, how did you get that?” Keith asked quietly. Shiro sighed heavily, noticing that all of the stitching was coming undone in the hat. It was missing both of its eyes and covered in dog slobber. There was no way that Keith could wear this again. For a split second, Shiro was disappointed.

“Red, come on girl,” Shiro sighed once more while Keith gave him a gentle pat on the back. “You’re better than this. I know you are.” He waved the hat around, and Red eyed it hungrily.

“I’m sorry, Keith. It seems she got your hat.” Shiro said, turning to his son who looked solemn at Shiro’s words. “It’s too destroyed to be saved at this point.”

“Oh no,” Keith replied softly. “That’s a shame.”

Shiro traced his thumb over the whiskers of the hat before glancing back at Red. Her eyes never left the hat once, but she made no move to grab it. Slowly, Shiro smiled and rubbed behind Red’s ears. When he handed the hat over, Red was quick to snatch it out of his hand and resume chewing on it.

“I’m sorry she got it, dad. I didn’t even realize she had taken it out of my room.” Keith apologized, earning a soft smile from Shiro. Shiro eventually stood up with the help of his son, observing Red for a few minutes longer.

“It’s okay. At least you got to wear it some and someone is using it still.” He chuckled before he wrapped his arm around Keith’s shoulder. The two headed out of the room, ready to finish their dinner, chatting about their plans for tomorrow.

Just before leaving the room, Keith turned around to see Red. By now she had stopped chewing on the hat to momentarily look at her owner.

Then Keith winked.

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